Life Before Youth Haven

This morning I woke up and remembered that my life didn't start on May 17th when I arrived here at Youth Haven Ranch. I have a whole life behind me, a whole set of friends and experiences that in the midst of camp I had forgotten existed. I may not have forgotten completely, but the details were blurry and fading. This morning though it all came flooding back to me.

I miss you my dear friends. I was reading some letters and notes from you and it made me long to see your faces. Luckily this weekend some of us will be re-united once again. I want to know how you are doing and what you are doing, and I want to laugh with you and be dumb together.

Megan, I miss you. I miss our Thursdays. I miss cooking and eating with you and Jeff. I miss sitting on the couch together, the three of us, all cuddled together in one spot when there is room enough for all of us to sprawl out. I miss the way you smell, and the comfort of looking into your eyes; eyes that have seen me at my best and worst, that know me so well I don't have to speak a word to communicate.

Jess Relitz I miss you too. I want to come see you soon! I want to embrace! hee hee

Sara Monson, I miss spending time with you, and I miss knowing what you are doing.

Joylynn, I miss making you giggle, and listening to you sing... oh how your voice melts me.

Amber, dude.... I need you... and I need to stay up late with you and talk about nothing and everything at the same time.

Krista, I miss getting my butt whooped in skippy.

Kristin, I miss talking to you online and distracting you from the things you should be doing, including sleep.

Michelle, I miss sharing my fluffy bed with you, and making you laugh so hard you convulse.

Tricia, where are you?? I miss our dinners and random drop-ins.

J-Garv, I miss playing the bongos with you.

Nicko, I miss your pimp self.

Sarahhh, I miss living with you. How's China?

Lisa, I miss your playful nature and oogling boys with you... lol

Johnson Man, I miss your 1800's ways.

Annie, I miss making you blush.

Brandon, I miss hearing about the weather.

Erin, I miss your voice and our lunch dates.

Lauren, I miss your sarcasm and studying the Bible with you.

Josh, I miss the way you talk and your guitar playing.

Brian, I miss making you wraps.

Rob, I miss our hang-out time.

Laura, I miss being your roomie, watching movies, getting our fortune told by the red fish, and you sticking your hand on my seat right before I sit down.

For everyone else in my life I miss you too. I just keep coming up with people, but I have to go and do Archery with one of the teams so I have not time to feature you all here. You are in my heart though, and I am thinking of you today.

Today is a funny day here at camp. We have a short week at camp this week and so today is a combination of what we do on Wednesdays and Thursdays. All-camp will be really good because we will have team-leader hunt, the kids love it and the team-leaders do too. Then tonight we will be doing Skit Night. That is usually pretty fun as well. I am praying for a good day!

Ok my litt froo-froos. I adore you and cherish you all!

The Begining of the End

This morning is the begining of the end of WEEK 4! That's the halfway mark! This week was intense, really really intense!

The kids leave soon! I'll update more after they are gone!!!

Week 3

Today is the beginning of week 3 of summer camp. I'm finally feeling comfortable in knowing what to generally expect for the week. We had weather to deal with last week, so now I know how things go with that issue. We had naughty children to talk to on day 1 last week. I am starting to see the importance of my role here, especially in discipline and supporting the team leaders. I am praying that this week goes much smoother and that the team leaders don't have breakdowns or freak outs.

Just like I learned last year with InterVarsity, prayer has to be HUGE here. It is such a battle ground here around the grounds and in each individual. Good things are happening here and Satan is ticked off. We had a lot of children running up to us so excited that they had ask Jesus to be ruler over their life, it was astounding! I loved it, to see the pride and joy in their faces and knowing that there was a party in heaven. So many of them were so happy to be part of a family and be able to call us brother and sister. The faith of a child is certainly something to learn from and hold on to.

This weekend was pretty good for me. I went on a 20+ mile bike ride with Rebecca, Carrie, and Donnalee. It was so beautiful and just the right temperature. Even though we got lost and had to ride up a million hills it was worth it! I stayed at Rebeccas that night after a dip in the pool. Yesterday a bunch of us went to church, and God really spoke to me there.

I feel like it's a similar vibe that I got from God last time I wrote. I feel like God was telling me to hold tight to Him. I really feel like if I am going to do the work and serve God in the ways He has built me to serve that I need more reliance on Him. I need to be clinging to His Word and His passion for the hurting and lost. So often my heart breaks for people, but I forget that God's heart must be breaking a million times more. I want to take those times when my heart breaks and turn them into times of service and prayer instead of mourning and sadness. Jesus came for the hurting and weak, the discouraged and downtrodden. I too will serve those around me who are in need. I will serve them, but I have to make sure I am looking to God first! Only He can be my guide, and I long so much to be guided by God.

So.... that was Sunday morning. after that Rebecca and I did our laundry at the mat, and got quesadilla stuff for lunch. We made our delicious lunch and talked for a while. I went back to my cabin and started cleaning. Then I went to the pool and hung out, took a power-nap on the picnic table, went out to the Fort where everyone was having a cook-out, prayed for this week with Jen and Anna, then returned to Rebeccas for what was supposed to be a movie, but turned into talking. I went to bed and stayed in bed until 9:00, usually I can't stay in bed past 7 or 8. It was, as my Sarah would say, GLORIOUS!!!

And now, my dearest of dears I must go. In 15 minutes my week officially starts and I think I need to take a few deep breaths in preparation. Hopefully I'll get to keep updating regularly! Leave me comments so I know you are reading!

BUB!

Another Day

Today is another day, it's similar to the day before in that the Sun came up, and we are doing the same things we did yesterday here at camp, but it feels different. I feel much, much better than I did yesterday.

Every time I start focusing on myself I lose sight of my real purpose. I know I feel called to be a strong support of the people here, but sometimes I just feel tired and worn and down. All I want is for some one to hold me and take care of me. Thankfully yesterday God was like "Dude, it's not about what you want... even if someone held you all day long and gave you kisses, told you how valuable you are it would only be a temporary fix. I am your real fix, I am the one who will fulfill you." I was like "Crap! I know! Sorry God, that was loserish of me."

I think everyday this issue will be a struggle: me trying to find the love I think I want, or deserve, or long for only to be dissapointed by people and realize I was looking in the wrong place. I think God gives us all people, but He gives us Himself first. I need to remember that!

Sorry for being so deep, it's just what I am thinking about this week. I feel like I am rambling on, so I am going to stop now before I get every one confused, myself included!

To all my friends: I love and cherish you. I miss you while I am here and I think of you often. I am praying for you. I have to go to the Zipline now, I'll pray for you while I am catching little children!! :)

STUCK

Have you ever felt so stuck in something that you can't even see any hint of another thing for miles in any direction?

That's what I feel like today. I feel surrounded by a darkness, like a black storm cloud. Every time I try to poke my head out, I just move into another foggy black cloud, just the same as the one before. I am searching for a ray of light, and sometimes I think I get a glimpse, only to have it snagged away and I'm back wading through the heavy darkness once again. It's so thick that it's hard to breathe, it's hard to think, and hard to keep my eyes open. This darkness feels impenetrable. I feel as if I am sinking into quick sand and the more I struggle to get out the deeper it takes me in. I hate this feeling! UGH! I just want it to go away. Please, Jesus make it stop! Be my light! Take me out of the quick sand with a really big stick or something! ANYTHING! I want out!

And that my friends is how I really feel today.

New Things

I am doing some new things this week, things I've never done before and it's very exciting!

First of all I am feeling much better than I have in about 4 months! It's totally amazing. When I wake up in the morning I actually WANT to get out of bed instead of feeling exhausted overwhelmed, and ill. I didn't even realize it until today. I'm sure glad I feel better, I was worried there for a while! Thank you to all who have been praying about my health! It's working! WOOT WOOT!! YAY JESUS!

This week is our first week of children at the ranch. So far it's going really well. At times I don't feel confident, but as the week goes on I am getting the hang of things. The staff that I work most closely with are really great and I have been enjoying working right along side them. The kids are great too, I've had a few problem children, but for the most part my talking to them ends on a positive note.

Tonight we have skit night, tomorrow is the carnival and then Saturday the kids go home. I think I will always remember these first kids and this first week. I have already learned so much from them and from watching my co-workers interact with them. There are times that I am so so tired, but the joy of seeing these children grow and be stretched and experience real love really overcomes all that. Hopefully this joy can last all summer! :)

Let's see... anything else new in my life?? YES! I am offically moved out of my apt. in Mt. Pleasant as of last Saturday. It was a long long day with only my dad and I moving all my stuff. I wanted to just throw it all away instead of move it. I'm sure I'll be glad I have it once I move out on my own again... whenever that will be I don't know. I think I am hoping more for sooner than later. I just love having my own place; cooking, cleaning, my fluffly bed, walking around naked, having people over, reading a book on my lumpy and gross couch... I miss it all.

I think that's about all the important new news. I could go on for hours about details of camp and my visit home with the kids, but frankly I just don't have enough time! I'd love some calls from all of you, or an e-mail or something. I've heard from some of you, but I am longing to know how you are doing!!! So either get a blog and update it or call me yo! lol don't call me "yo", just call me. hee hee

Ok, so I gotta go for real! Hope to see some of you soon! Maybe sooner than the Wowzer wedding!

Amber, I was thinking about you today. I miss you a million! I want to squeeze you!
I miss everyone else too!!
Shout out to my out of state cuties! *Snuggle Snuggle*

I'll end with this poem for my new friend:

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
Sarah Hoover, you're my friend
I love you!!

THE END.

CFW/ Summer Kick-off!!

CFW was pretty sweet. Of course, Cedar Campus is beautiful, so that enhanced the week even more. It rained a little, but we did have some good sunny days in the begining of the week.

This year I worked on crew. It gave me quite a different experience than I am used to with InterVarsity events. I worked on a playground they are making on Mariners Cove side. I got to work with power tools like saws, a router, a sander, and screw-drivers and stuff. It was pretty darn sweet. Here is where you can see the plans of what it is supposed to look like when it's finished: http://www.intervarsity.org/cedar/news.php?id=2298.
At the end of the week, I worked on the Pool house; taking out the old filter, installing insulation, and general clean-up. On my last day I went out to the trails with the fellas and helped clear a path and put down limestone for the ski trails. It was pretty windy, but enjoyable just the same. I really had a great week, full of good food, hard work, a few naps, a sweet massage, a lovely gift, lots of outside time, a sunburn, Skip-bo, awesome worship, tons of prayer, a frustrating/meaningful team-builder, pranks, and good networking... oh and not to mention a great road-trip and stop at a restaurant (2P)!!! It was definitely a great last CFW for me. I will keep it close to my heart always.

Today is my first day at my internship. I am very much looking forward to the summer. I moved my stuff in, and I am excited to pimp-out my "living space". I am going to make the most of that 5ish sq. ft!!!! I already have the tallest bed, so it can't get much better than that! I'll post pictures soon if I get a chance.

If anyone would like to write to me here is my address:

P.O. Box 97
Rives Junction MI, 49277

I also enjoy e-mails and facebook messages!!!

Here are a few pics from CFW







Awww!! Me and my Amber

These are my really hott pajamas. We are powering-up the glow-in-the-dark feature!

I got the watch and Nick doesn't have the time, or a calculator!

Kristin looks too natural in that mustache!

Me and the girls, my frist time on the BEAR!

Summer Goals

OK, so in my Turbo Kick class we were encouraged to set some goals for ourselves for the summer time. At Midterms we set one goal, one thing that we'd like to change. My goal was to not buy junk food from the grocery store and to eat fruit first if I wanted a snack and then if I was still hungry I could have something else. It worked out pretty well, so I am excited for these new goals!

Janet (my instructor and pretty much the coolest kid I know), explained that wellness has 6 demensions; physical, intellectual, occupational, emotional, social, and spiritual. All of these elements compliment eachother and have to work together to acheive true wellness. She said to think of it as a wheel, all the parts come together to work just as a wheel should running smoothly and quietly along a path. If one demension is weakened then the wheel will lose air making for a very bumpy and uncomfortable ride.

So that being said, hear are the things I am going to do/keep in mind this summer as I try to make my wheel run smoothly. Some of these things are new things that I need to start doing and some are old things I just need to keep up on that I at times let slide.

Physical

Engage in 30 minutes of rigorous activity daily

Stretch to stay flexible

Do a zillion cruches every night to gain the abs of my dreams!

Watch my caloric intake as well as the quality of foods I am eating

Intellectual

Read at least one chapter dailyof the Bible

Read at least one chapter daily of a book for pleasure

Engage in mind strengthing/logic games weekly such as Soduko

Occupational

Meet all goals for my internship going above and beyond when possible

Finish my BIG paper on time and with excellent quality

Emotional

Take time to myself weekly to do something I enjoy

Identify a person on camp grounds that I can confide in during times of trial and stress

Social

Reach out and make new friends, having me be the one who is inviting and warm

Keep in touch with CMU/IV/family/everyone over the summer regualrly either through snail-mail, e-mail, or phone

Spiritual

Find a church in my summer location that I can be fed by

Give my 1st and last word to God EVERYDAY!

Spend time in silence/meditation listening, praising, learning, just engaging with God daily

Ok, so that's it! Those are my goals. Some of them are going to be really hard! I am starting today with a work out at the SAC!!! YES!!! Then I'll come home for some delicious lunch! I am packing today for my departure of this wonderful town. I need to figure out what I need for Cedar, what I need for camp, and hopefully everything else will fit into the boxes I have... if not I might have to start giving things away!! hee hee

The sunshine today is making me happy, and feeling productive. I think I'll open the windows and blast my music when I get home! YES!!! AND I am so excited to start wearing shorts!! SCORE!

Darn My Human Heart!

Why is it, that when everything's going just fine, I find a way to screw it all up with a stupid comment from the depths of my pathetic soul?

Seriously, why do our minds and hearts work the way they do, and how is it that when you are hoping to not screw things up in an important and fragile relationship that one manages to say something idiotic to throw things off balance?

OR, how is it that the one who says something stupid thinks that everything is screwed up, it's all doomed and then the other one says, "It's ok, no biggie" AH! How does that happen, forgiveness when it's not due, a smooth and untainted reaction to what could potentially be a disaster.

For real, how is one to know which scenario will occur at any given moment?

I suppose this is just the reason that one should always be thinking before they speak, because it's not worth saying something stupid and maybe hurting someone, or just sounding rediculous.

GAH! I think I should run away to another country, I feel that will solve all of life's stresses, worries, problems, and crap like that. I'll just run! That's Healthy, just run far away! heh...

A Visitor!!

I had a very special visitor this weekend! it was my brother! He came on Friday, went to Open House, helped with Servant Day, went to church this morning, and basically just hung out and chilled out all weekend with me! It was so great to have him here. I am taking him half-way home where my dad will pick him up at the "Flying J". I wish he could just stay here a little longer. I like him.

In other news, I am in a very thoughtful mood today. I find myself evaluating my life so often, and mostly evaluating my interactions with friends. People are so interesting, and it intruiges me to observe patterns in behavior and reactions between friends and couples. I find it interesting that people know the cover-ups that others use and are hurt or annoyed by them, but still use ones that are similar or the same themselves, as if it were normal... hmmm... I just don't know. People are weird-- myself included.

Here's a question: What's one of the best things a friend has done for you?

I value most the time that people have spent with me, just to spend it with me... It was becuase they enjoyed me and wanted to spend time with me! I love having that person that I can spend days on end with and it feels right, and then when both of are ready for some space it's right in tune with the other. It doesn't happen often, but when it does it's so fulfilling!

Here are some pics from the weekend!!



Here's the Whole Groups being funny after lunch on Saturday















I told Krista to hop into my arms...

Michelle and Lauren at the last Open House!

I'm giving Amber a Ride

Awww!!!

This is Ryanne, she... I mean he is very special!

The Semester is Almost Over/ Baby Charlie Photos

I can't fathom what the next few weeks will look like. I just can't imagine! The year has gone by so fast, and yet seemed to go on and on at times. So weird... now that the end is near I have no idea how I got here.

As I prepare for the end of the school year I am also preparing for my last semester with student status, my last 15 weeks to make stupid mistakes and they'll be excused because I am a college student! I better make all the ones I've been holding off on pretty quick here!!

Soon I'll be packing up all of my things and saying goodbye to my lovely apartment while saying hello to my small probably over-heated, possibly cramped quarters at Youth Haven Ranch in Rives Junction Michigan. I am so looking forward to my summer there. This will be my internship/summer job before I am sent off into the "real world" to be a "real adult". I must say that being a student in bliss!! I wish I could do it forever... on the other hand I don't want to go to grad school.

If you'd like to see where I am going this summer you can visit www.youthhaven.org

If you'd like to see more photos of my easter and the new baby you can visit www.dropshots.com

If you would like to own a really sweet T-shirt go here: http://www.cafepress.com/buy/you+don

I think I am going to go now, I am distracted from my journaling with good conversations. I'm going to miss my friends when they move!!!

PS. I think that I did "the craziest thing I've ever done" last night!! YES!!! I am ready for more exciting adventures now!!

Here are pics of the baby and little Maria:

This is my baby boy Charles Edward... he is very squishy... and yes, I'm calling him fat! lol

Here you can see his kissable cheek! He is still fuzzy and soft cause he's so fresh! Only 5 days old in this picture

He loves sleeping in his boppy pillow
Maria is coloring eggs for the first time, she had a really great time!

Maria likes looking right into the camera, she knows what it's all about... little ham!!
Maria loves balloons, except for when she freaks out because they scare her... very strange but true. I think watching a balloon be blown up freaks her out, but if they are already inflated they are harmless. She is wearing her Easter dress here. We got to spend a lot of good time together which I enjoyed very much!!

PEACE!

Grandma

WOW!! The past two hours was filled with very serious and intense conversations with my grandmother... I feel very tired now.

Some of the topics included:

Heaven
Living Simply
Grandma's Will
The partnership with her and my dad at the orchard being dissolved
My Aunts spending habits
Tiddly Winks
The jewelry that I used to play dress-up with when I was little
Cookies

Easter Dinner choices

Internship

Summer Weddings

WOW!! And that's just a pinch of the randomness that I just experienced!!

Now I have to go and get pizza. I'll update about the rest of my weekend later, hopefully with pics!!

More Pictures!!

The Ultimate Twister Match... it lasted FOREVER!!

The Finals!!

AWW!!!

This was a pretty dirty match... biting and everything!!

We're Happy!!!


Monkey Hat!!!

Again with the Ants!

AHHH!! More ants came from somewhere in my belongings or my pants, shoes... somwhere... I think it's a sign, I just don't know what it means!!

I am feeling deep today... contemplating my life, God, and everything else inbetween. What keeps me going and what stops me from going? What are my desires, my dreams, and what are fleeting thoughts?

I want to be a faithful servant of my Lord, I want to be where I am supposed to be, say what He would have me say, do what God would have me do... I am trying to find the ideal in these situations.

E-mail

I am certain that the e-mailing adventure boosted my productivity 3fold! I got stuff done on that day's list and the next day's list! It rocked!! YAY for e-mail!!

In other news I am still searching for an internship with two major leads; SpringHill and Youth Haven Ranch. I think both places would provide me with good opportunities and both are also Christian organizations, which is just what I am looking for to test out mixing my major with full-time ministry. I am excited to see where this will go. I finally feel motivated to figure out my life and it feels great. I am not longer running from the inevitable, but running towards a great opportunity to finish my degree and serve children.

I am currently reading two very enjoyable books. One is The Magician's Nephew and the other is Glass Castle. One is a children's novel as many of you may well know that is the prequel to The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. The other is a New York Times best seller, a memoir by a lady with a screwed up childhood. It's comforting to read about suffering at times to know that I haven't seen the most screwed up things there are to see, and to know I am not alone with family disfunction. I would recommend both for your leisure time!

Well, I am going to go now; I was supposed to get off the internet about 30 minutes ago, I can't help it, I'm hooked! Hope all is well in all of your worlds!!

Bread in My Pocket

Yesterday it was ants in my pants, today I have bread in my pocket. I find myself sitting very carefully as to not squish it and make a crumby and buttery mess. I have it wrapped in a napkin, and I am just too full to eat it.

Anyway, on to something more important... maybe...

Today I am going to buy a few things: socks, a journal (spiral bound to put all my journal posts and greeting cards in, face wash, and perhaps a book of sudoku puzzles or something else exciting for my brain.

I think this weekend I am going to clean out my car, and my room. I will give away a bunch of clothes that I am attatched to, yet am not wearing which should slim down my closet! I am trying to get rid of as much unneeded items as possible before I have to move out in May. I want my life to be more simple and less full of junk I don't need.

I sent myself an e-mail asking if I did all the stuff I wanted to get done today. There's nothing like being your own friend for accountability!! I wish Jesus used e-mail, it would help me out!! So, I am testing the theory that if I think about checking my e-mail all the time, a reminder there will certainly help me get things done... we shall see!

Have a Good Day!

Ants in My Pants

OK! FOR REAL!! I think I have ants in my pants!!!

I was sitting at Bible Study eating a cookie when an ant crawled across my lap. I didn't think too much of it because as many of us know, the Larzy TV room is infested with all sorts of unwanted guests. Soon after this another ant crawled across my lap and I started to get itchy. Ew... I still attributed the ant to the room and moved on... When the third one came along I was really started to question. I finished up Bible Study and forgot all about it until just now. I was in the bathroom minding my own business when all of a sudden an ant crawls across the floor by my feet. AHHH!!! What the heck! Where are these ants coming from? I'm infested! I am all itchy and squirmy now. Is this a plague?? I hope not! I would much rather have frogs! ew.. Gosh, I feel gross!

Moving on... I was originally going to title this entry "A New Look", but the ant issue got precedence. I am trying out this new template for my blog. It was pink for a few days, but I decided it was too pink. Now it's blue... I wish there was a happy medium between these two gender related colors... I guess that would be purple, but I didn't see any purple ones and I don't know how to make it myself. Anyway, don't be surprised if I change it five more times.

So I guess I should update on my life...hmm...

It's going. I have no desire to finish my life in the direction it's currently headed technically, although I am enthused about what God has ahead of me for my far off future. I don't think I ever imagined I'd live past the age of 22 so I didn't think about planning or even fathoming my current life stage, which is internship, then graduation, then job. I think I just assumed I'd get in some car accident, be murdered, or get leukemia. I'm not saying this light-heartedly either, I really think these things.

So, now I have a predicament. I am 22 and I am still living... Now what?!? My life has pretty much been the same other than thinking of that big question.

I did however have a sweet day on the 18th for Krista's birthday! It will definitely be a day to remember when I am old and gray.... If I make it that long ;) We had a whole Birthday Day for her! Pizza, Gymnastics, Ultimate Frisbee, Dinner at the Broadway Grille, and a Twister Tournament. It was so great to be with friends, be outside and play, eat good food, and sport some school spirit while flirting with the T-shirt guy with Krista. Man, he was good looking. Way to score his love B-day star! How could he resist?? The day ended the next day at oh, I don't know... too early to mention. It was definitely rough to get up for church in the morning.

My life will probably continue just the same, hopefully my working out will do me some good, and some cool stuff with IV will happen. I'd like to find my internship VERY soon as well.

I'm signing off for now, catch ya all later!

PS. I still feel itchy

PPS. My cat that I high-lighted in a December post is now dead. She died yesterday.
RIP Blossom, you were a good cat, except for when you bit me... I will always have the scar to remember you by.

CRAP!!!

I had a really good post and then it erased because of pop-up blocker and me trying to fix it! UGH!!!

What a crappy crap crap!

ok, so here's the short of it:

I'm home, and there is drama... what's new... I'm in the middle... yuck

Maria is awesome, learning so much, so adorable

Matilda is big a fluffy now

Spent time with the following people: Grandma, Sandy, John, Maria, Dad, Dee, Joe, GUMC choir, GRandma Noll, other Noll affiliates :) and talked to mom on phone

Plans for tomorrow:

Going to oxford to check out place for internship, light window-shopping and grocery shopping with Gram, Card Club for snacks and friends, then staying at sandy's

Looking forward to getting back to the place that feels like my real home, where I feel comfortable and part of something good, more than one good thing actually.

Wanting to talk to my fiendish fiend cause she always knows what to say to make my life seem less jumbled.

Still mad about the stupid entry getting deleted! PIECE OF JUNK!

NEW STUFF NOT INCLUDED ON OLD DELTED ENRTY... couldn't help myself, when I get started I just can't stop!

I realized a new appreciation I have for survivor tonight. Tears came to my eyes (mind you I just typed ears instead of eyes...lol), when they Saluted Dan after getting voted off. That's not my appreciation though. My appreciation is that one can really examine how the game goes and compare it to normal society and how people function. No matter if it's a game or not no one can seem to just walk all over everyone involved, there are always friendships, aliances, and other relationships blooming even in the midst of lies and deception. People seem to need community, or a partner that much that it interferes with winning. I'm still thinking this through, but I think this says a lot about peoples' need for community, acceptance, support, and confidence in normal everyday cirsumstances. So, yay Survivor!

There is some shampoo-in hair color sitting on the shelf and I am very tempted to use it. It says "Just for Men" on the box and that's what intriuges me. Could it really be that different for men? I have short hair, does that count?? It's so very tempting... It says "So natural no one can tell" on the box too. Now let me ask you, why on earth would you want to color your hair if no one is going to notice?? That's silly. It should say, "so natural it doesn't look fake" if that's what they mean. Knowing this country though that phrase is probably already tradmarked! Did you know that Happy Birthday is Copywrited?? Yeah, and it's not even by the person who wrote it! How dumb eh? That's why at restaurants they have to sing those annoying songs, their not aloud to just sing happy birthday! dumb dumb dumb I tell you.

Ok, I have added enough to make it seem worth trying to publish again. If this screws up I swear I'm just going to write two words, "CRAP CRAP" on the next one!

A Month...

Well, it's been just about a month since the last time I updated. Todays update is really just an outlashing of my emotional staus, which until today I thought was fine... maybe it's just a bad day, or maybe everything has just added up and I can't contain the fire.


**Note: The following chunk is me free-writing, do not be surprised if you find yourself shaking your head, thinking I'm irrational, or wondering if I am ok... This is the real me put out on the web, the real things I am thinking and feeling... as scary as they may sound, I'm not crazy, just desperate**
At this moment I want to throw in the towel... I can't go on. How am I supposed to figure out what I am to do with my summer let alone my life?? I'm in the wrong profession, wearing the wrong clothes, the wrong hair style, the wrong place and time, everything seems wrong. I am lost at what my role is in many situations that feel so big that they may crush me and more importantly the main players in said situations. I feel alone. I could talk to someone, but they won't care, and if they do care, they won't do anything, and if they would do anything they don't have time. My friends are good, but I don't have a clue on how to ask for their help. I feel like from some of them I'll know their answer, others I am afraid of their answer, and still others I don't know if they'd even answer. I want to run far away and live in a place where things don't happen like they do in America. I am stuck on so many questions.... like, Who and where is my spectrum of influence, how can I balance being in communion with God while in community with people, why does everyone always give me the crap line of "Just rely on God first, the rest will fall into place" ?? OK, I do believe that, but it seems like people use it as an excuse to not have to care. And how does the fact that God made us, designed us for community, to do all things together, have everything in common and sacrifice as the other has need? Other questions I want answers to: Why can't I do anything for myself, but I can do things for others, why do I feel lonely when I am sitting right next to a person I love, How do I embrace friendships the way God intends it? And, why do i live here, here in America? What does that mean for who I am to be for Christ? Oh, and why does everything seem complete, good, fruitful and glorious when I am doing it with a partner or group? I can't sleep, and I am starting to lose my appetite. I am scared to sleep because when I do I have horrible nightmares. I can't eat because I feel nausiated when I do. I want to live a full, productive, God glorifying life. God is teaching me so much right now. I want to take it all and put it into action. I really feel though that I can't do it alone, I can't just take control of all the "adult" responsibilities on my own and still have any motivation for living for God. It's all too much. Why is it too much?? That makes me feel lame! I need a friend, a friend that I can atleast count on to support me through all of this, not that I have to spend 5 hours a day with them, but to know that someone cares enough and wants the same from me, or at least feels comforted at the prospect of my willingness to serve and love them. I know I've had this before, but now it's gone. When I had it I was so much better at life. I was fun to be around, I was joyful, and fulfilled... Am I just being a sissy or are these feelings valid. It seems like the people who give me the advice of Rely on Only God and then he will bless you with people already have people... and I don't know that they relied on God first. UGH! I have so many things to do and I want to do them, but the practical things in my life get in the way.

This is Joshua 1:9 --- Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
Boy do I ever need that verse right now. I am so terrified of living right now. And I most definitely need God with me where I go!

God, give me the strength to face the things that I need to, the things that suck and the things that are wonderful, even if it seems like I am doing them alone. I want to rely on you, and I have been, but maybe not enough... Let me not be jealous or covet what other people have in relationships, but rejoice in what I have with you. And, please bring me someone to satisfy these longings, these needs if it is your will. God I want to be awesome for you, but that task seems to huge for me to even think about. God shape me, hold me, use me! amen.

Giggle Pants

Hi. I am not really giggling, but I feel like it would be funny if I were. So, lets just pretend.

This week has been pretty full. My life doesn't seem too hectic, it's on the line of having just enough, or not enough to do. I still have to find more work somewhere, hopefully at the Res. Restaurants. I am looking for another 10+ hours somewhere!!! :)

So far I am enjoying my food service jobs. Tues. and Thurs. I made Wraps in Robinson, and Today in Carey I swept, stocked, and served (there wasn't really anything for me to do so I kept getting switched around). Later this evening I am working in Merill... where I will clean some more. I have a blister on my thumb from the two hours of sweeping I did. Other than the blister this week has been GREAT! I love making food and serving people!!! I met knew friends, and got free meals! YAY!

Now I am headed home for some cleaning, packing, and showering... I am very dirty. Tonight I am going to Grass Lake for a retreat with IV. It used to be called Genesis, but now it is called Sanctuary. I am looking forward to getting closer to my small group, and catching up with other friends that I haven't really talked to yet this semester. I hear there is a pool and hot tub at the conference center, so I am very excited!!!

Last weekend I did the Leadership Summit, and it went really well! The speakers were enlightening, and I got to meet some good people, specifically middle-aged married men. I got to know the pastor more and it was really inspiring to hear some of his passions and convictions in a more personal setting. The biggest thing I took away from the weekend was this; I am OK where I am... being that I am in a point in my life where I don't know what the heck is ahead of me. I have a blank piece of paper in front of me and I can do so many things with it. The key to staying on the right path is looking to God for guidance, keeping Him as my light and my path maker, and submitting to him some of my wishes if need be. I felt very encouraged to use my open-mind about my future to the best of my ability to give God the most glory!!! YAY for affirmation!!! Thanks Jesus!

Ok, so now I am going to go home and do all of my stuff before my next shift!

Peanut Butter Toast

Hi everyone!!!

So, lately I have been wanting peanut butter toast about 5 times a day. Maybe it's working at the daycare and rediscovering my love for peanut butter and jelly. Maybe I just need some nuts in my life! Who knows... all I know is I like it, I like it a lot.

So, my job search continues, but I have made some headway. So far I am employed in five different places, three of them being in the Residential Restaurants on campus. I wish I could get a higher paying job somewhere, but this is going to have to work for now. I still haven't heard from the church about the position I applied for because they haven't done anything about it yet. It is somewhat frustraing, but perhaps God is trying to teach me something!

So, back to my jobs. They are as follows; Day Care worker Mon. and Wed., Day Care Aide Mon., Tues. and every other Sun. night, Baker Assistant (Krista, I had to hold myself from laughing when I signed up for this one) every other Friday morning, Dining room worker every other Friday lunchtime, Custodial work Every other Friday evening, Exposition person Tuesday and Thursday lunch time, not to mention two shifts I've already picked up for greeter and variable in Carey Dining commons. For those of you familiar with CMU I am working in Robinson, Towers and Merrill Dining Commons!! WOOT! Basically I am all over the place. My task now is to not mess up when I work where!!

So now that I will have 44-54ish hours of obligatedwork time per week, plus whatever shifts I pick up on top of that, and the four hours of class every week, I'll have to make sure to have some fun with the free time I have !!! Man-oh-man! The craziness of it all!

Other than working and trying to find jobs, I have been working on finances, organizing my life, cleaning, going to church and InterVarsity, hanging out with friends, and playing on the internet. It's acctually been a nice start to the semester. My palm pilot and I have become good friends and will continue to be over the next 15 weeks!

Next on my plate is to get my student loan, hopefully a scholarship or two, and find a second internship!! I want my internship to be somewhere totally sweet, so that's what I'll be looking for.

Photos from my birthday dinner will be coming soon. Here is a picture of my baby puppy "Storm"(I might change her name). I will get her once I live in a place where I can have a doggie. She is very small and cute and soft.



This is Storm showing you her good side!




These are 3/4 of the babies, Storm is on the left.




This is Storm Sleeping... zzz...




This is Princess, Storms Mom riding on the Mini-chopper!!




A close-up with her hott goggles!!




This is Spike, Storms Daddy. He is trying to look
handsome and thoughtful

So, that's my life minus my birthday pictures with some added doggy fun!

Oh yeah! This weekend I am doing a conference at church called Leadership Summit. Bill Hybels, who wrote Too Busy Not to Pray (a brilliant book) is speaking tonight. Tomorrow, John Maxwell, Ken Blanchard, my pastor, and Rick Warren, author of Purpose Driven Life are all speaking! I am looking forward to getting a spiritual boost as well as learn some sweet stuff from smart people! Hopefully I'll see some friends and make some new ones! YESSS!!!

Have a GREAT weekend!!!

OH MAN!!! What a New Year!!!

PRESENTING: DAH DAH DAH DAAAAHHH!!!! Cute Couple # 1!!!!

Well folks it finally happened!!! Jessica Relitz and James Allen are engaged!!!! He did it on New Years Eve and Jessica wasn't expecting a thing. Actually a few hours prior she was telling me they wouldn't be engaged until spring time.

If you go here you can see the party hat's that he wrote "will you marry me?" on, as well as the ring, happy engagment pics and Sophie the pup moping. It's all so exciting and romantic and lovely! I can't wait to squeeze them both very tightly!!

In other news, I have a cold and feel very sad that break is almost over. Although I have been working I have had a little bit of an excuse to slightly slack, and had gift money to spend and a chance to travel and hang out. Soon it will be on to other tasks like work, and more work.

Tricia is leaving today after staying almost a week. It has been an enjoyable adventure to have her around. We went up to Manistee for New Years eve, sat around and watched TV, and both of us got sick with different ailments throughout her time here!! It's been great!!

Tomorrow night or Friday Morning I am going home for a last Hoorah. I am celebrating my birthday and visiting the Griffins! I am very excited to end the break with some good quality time that includes food, ice cream cake, Hobby Lobby, the Griffin pants, my bubby, setting my cat free in the orchard, my baby girl, and presents!!!! It should be a good one!

PEACE YO.

Doing my thing

I'm alive... still doing the job search/working for Julie/starting at the Day Care tomorrow.

It's almost New Years and it's strange that another year has gone by. Don't know what I am doing to celebrate a year past and a new year to come, but for some reason it feels imiportant for me to recognize it more than I have before. I always liked New Years celebrations, butit was mostly for the fun, friends, and food. We used to have a sleepover at my friend Aimee's house. We'd stay up all night. Watch for the countdown until the ball dropped kiss everyone and then go back to the party we were having including games, food and St. Julian's!! The girls would stay with her and the guys would stay with James who lived behind her. In the morning Aimee's mom would make us pancakes and bacon. I have many fond memories of those years!

This year is weird. I will be in Mt. Pleasant and I don't have any definite plans. There are things I'd like to do, but don't know if they will work out. There are people I'd like to spend it with, but most won't be around. Tricia will be with me though, so we'll have to be sure to make it meaningful.

10 days after the New Year begins I will be 22. I am not sure how I feel about that. For some reason I have been wanting everything in my life to have meaning lately. I get bored with unmeaningful things and I feel more enthused to make things matter. Maybe this is what happens when one turns 22... they get more sentimental about lifes milestones. Or maybe it's just me.

I am off to take Julie (the elderly lady) to the hospital. I was already there this morning because Heather was dehydrated because of a stomache flu of sorts and she needed a ride. I've already got two hours of sitting in a waiting room today under my belt, why not make it three or four!!!

goodbye

Cats Stink!

UGH! So, not only do I have a demon kitty in Mt. Pleasant, but I have a biting kitty in Goodrich.

This is my cat:

Her name is Blossom... like Apple Blossom. We met about 10 years ago when she was born and I named her. She was the 1st of the litter and my new friend. We've been through many happy years minus some nibbles and scratches here and there. Today was a sad day for us.

We came home from my grandma's house after eating pizza, opening presents and sharing funny stories across the table. Grandma's house was very pretty and shiney, it was great!

Anyway, I was going about my business getting ready to travel back up to Mt. Pleasant for the night with my Bro and I saw Blossom sitting at the bottom of the stairs; Mind you she was recently paralyzed from a blood clot in her spine and so does not have use of her back legs from the knee down (If a cat had a knee). Anyway, it was the first time I saw her since the tragic blood clot and I was trying to be extra nice! She was rubbing up on me, nuzzling my face... awww!!

Then I picked her up to put her on my lap to pet and cuddle her. As soon as I put her on my lap she BIT me!!! HARD!!!! AHHH! I moved her away and my hand started oozing blood. As I walked up the stairs it kept oozing! WHAT THE!! She bit me really hard all the way down to a vein in my hand below my thumb. Her whole mouth went around that area to the other side of my hand, but the main puncture was on the palm of my hand. I went and showed my family and they helped me clean it and bandage it. It hurt a lot. I didn't cry but I wanted to, not because of the pain, but because my cat bit me. What a jerk. She really should be put down for biting someone so hard, but I think we all feel sad for her poor paralyzed legs! My dad just ordered her a wheelchair off E-bay. Anyway, now I am throbbing and bitter! lol

Here is a picture of my sad injury:


I'll post pictures of my presents and our evening at Grandma's later. Right now I am off to Mt. Pleasant!

My Monkey Gift

This is me with my monkey hat and scarf from my step-brother Joe!!! Aren't I cute??



Trying to be cute...




Playing it cool!!

More gift modeling to come soon!!!

It is Finished

My internship at Masonic Pathways is offically finished and I am in a new week of transition. Just when I was getting used to working there I am now done and have to find something else to do. I have some leads on some jobs. I think I will be working for a Day Care in town, and also helping out an older lady in the community. I am hopefully meeting her today.

I will also be applying to Target, Mejier, maybe Kroger, Tj Max or some other places like that. And of course I will be working for Dorothy watching her kids while she works nights.

It is going to be strange not having internet for a few weeks. Since the school is all closed up, I won't have an opportunity to use it. That's ok, it will make me more productive.

This past weekend was full of socializing. Friday I came home and babysat Maria for a few hours while Sandy and John went to a party. Saturday we had Noll family Christmas (Sandy's Family). It was a good day. I had good food and great company. The little ones are growing up so fast, it was nice to see them again. I got some good gifts too!! Sunday we had an 80th birthday party for Grandpa Noll. It was a pretty good time, but I got kinda bored toward the middle. Didn't know all the people there, but then my dad came so I got to sit and talk with him for a while. I was at the church from 9:30-6:30!! Everything ran smoothly though, and Grandpa was very appreciative for the recognition.

Now it's Monday and I am feeling weird to not be at Masonic, but making the best of my day by finding a new job. I will be traveling back to Mt. Pleasant in about 20 minutes. Hopefully I will find something delicious to eat for lunch! OOOO! And I am going to take a nice hot shower and bath... Ahhhh, so good!

I'll be updating soon I am sure, with news from the farm. I have Christmas Eve with my Dad's side and Christmas Day with my Mom's side. I think it's going to be GREAT!!

PEACE OUT!!


PS. My little Matilda was staying with Auntie Megan this weekend. I hope she didn't cause too much trouble!!

Health Lesson # 1

What is scabies?
Scabies is an infestation of the skin with the microscopic mite Sarcoptes scabei. Infestation is common, found worldwide, and affects people of all races and social classes. Scabies spreads rapidly under crowded conditions where there is frequent skin-to-skin contact between people, such as in hospitals, institutions, child-care facilities, and nursing homes.

What are the signs and symptoms of scabies infestation?
Pimple-like irritations, burrows or rash of the skin, especially the webbing between the fingers; the skin folds on the wrist, elbow, or knee; the penis, the breast, or shoulder blades.
Intense itching, especially at night and over most of the body.
Sores on the body caused by scratching. These sores can sometimes become infected with bacteria.

That's right folks, I have come in contact with scabies I don't know how many times in the last month. I don't think I have it yet, but it can take up to 6 weeks for symptoms to arrise. I have been itchy all day just thinking about it. Oh the life of one who works in health care...

Other than being itchy my last Monday at Masonic Pathways was rather nice. I was busy all day long, and I ran an enjoyabe program... my last one of the semester. We decorated Christmas cards for friends and family. The residents really seemed to enjoy it.

Tomorrow is my last Tuesday, so weird!

The Last Hoorah

Well, here I am in the extended hours study catching up with my personal life via internet before I start on my academic life via Microsoft Word!

I have one more week of internship, a busy week at that. I have four resident assesments, one or two programs still to develop and implement, 2 chart audits, 5 program assesments, two staff parties, as well as regular programs and 1:1 with residents!!! It's going to be full, full of excitment, writing, evaluating, saying goodbye, and a bittersweet end on Friday. I am happy for my experiences there and the friendships I have made with both residents and staff. I cannot even imagine not seeing them everyday. To some of the dementia patients I have quite an attatchment;

Emma, who cries all the time, for reasons I once did not know, but now know it's because she is so severely confused. If you talk to her though, or have her fold towels she stops.
Gladys, who always tells me, "Oh honey, you look so pretty". She also asks if she can stay that night and inquires about a cost.
Gladys #2, who always calls me a son of a B**** unless I give her a cookie, then I am a saint.
Alice, who doesn't speak, but every once and a while I can make laugh.
Edna, who always laughs at everything I say.
Martha, who is very demanding in the most humourus way asking, "Lady, could get me a saw, I just want to saw these straps off"... later.... "Lady at the desk, lady at the desk I know you can hear me, get me some scissors, I'll take good care of them".
Naomi, who will tell you to shutup unless you approach her with a question instead of a statement.
Bud, who has Spine cancer and is often in pain. He is quite funny though when you talk to him and has come on to me a few times... hee hee

There are so many others that I adore and so many that have died since I've been there that will always have a place in my heart. I feel blessed to have met them and served them.

Tonight I am going to watch at least part of the Survivor Finale at Kristins, and then finish my project/paper for my internship. It should be a good night. Ohhh, and I am going to make a wish list on Target.com for my dad. I think I am going to ask for kitchen stuff!!! Wooo!!!

I hope to journal as the week goes on, hope all is well with everyone else!!

Disconnected

Well, this was the most disconnected holiday weekend ever!!! To the left you will find my disconnected face.

It all started on Thursday when I stayed home alone upon orders of my grandmother. I had planned to travel to her house (45mins away) for a delicious meal and a chance to see her and grandpa after 4 months of nearly zero contact. She said the roads were too bad.

Instead of turkey (which I must mention is one of my most favorite foods), I ate pizza rolls for lunch, took back movies that I had rented on Wednesday (2 for 1!) and decided to go to Mejier while I was out to make something "special" to eat for dinner. I can't really afford to do a thing like that, but I thought since it was Thanksgiving, and I was lonely it was justified enough. Well, justification never wins, and I should know this by now, but once again I am slapped in the face with my own actions.
So, I went to Mejier and was walking around the isles thinking that I'd get anything that looked good... just go for it! I passed by some chicken, pizzas, more chicken, frozen dinners... nothing seemed pleasing. Then I saw them, BUTTERY BISCUITS!!! AND THEY WERE ON SALE!!! Oh boy! I decided I'd get some, but needed something to go with them. Across the way I spotted frozen chicken bites that you warm up in the microwave, like the chicken you find at a chinese restaurant. Then I remembered the chinese restaurant Great Wall was open, cause I noticed it while returning my movies. I said, what the heck, I'll just go get some!!
My adventure continues.... I order General Tso's chicken and an order of Crab Rangoons. Mind you, I only like chinese food that is not sweet and General Tso's chicken is supposed to be spicy. I also don't really like crab at all, but the other day some co-workers of mine got some crab rangoon's and I liked them cause they didn't really have much crab in them that I could tell. So I get my loot, spending too much on it, but justifying that I'd get a few meals out of the deal so it was worth it. I brought it home, opened it up and eyed it expectantly.... I couldn't wait for spicy and cheesey goodness!
SOOOO.... the food sucked! The chicken wasn't even a hint spicy, not even a little burn! it tasted like candy, sweet and sticky! eWWWWWW!!! If I wanted candy I would have gotten some sweettarts! Then I thought, "well, at least I have the crab rangoons!".... no dice. They were so FULL of crab! I couldn't even pick it out! I ate around the edges and called it good. Basically I wasted too much money on crap that I forced down just to teach myself a lesson.

Thursday ended and I was looking forward to get back to work on Friday just so I didn't have to be alone.

Friday was good. I planned a special party for the residents. We had a "t" party! There was tinsel, tang, tea, TINGO, Turtles, and Triscuts! Everyone had a name tag on and so their names started with 'T'. It was a grand time.

I came home with another boring night ahead of me.... and that is just what it turned out to be. Sarah took her laptop home and the library was closed so I didn't even have the internet to amuse me.

Saturday was a productive day, I cleaned a lot! I feel a lot better about living in my apt. now that it's clean. I sorted through old and unwanted food giving away what I could and pitching the rest. My kitten and I had a good time bonding, but it just wasn't the same as a good human!

This morning I was REALLY prodcutive. I did the following all before 9:30am (that should tell you how early I got up... ew again) I cleaned out my refrigerator... acctually took trays out and scrubbed! I cleaned the microwave which was disgusting! I did some more dishes, cleaned the dining room table, and I finshed making my curtain for my room. Of course I discovered that the kitten peed on it so I have to wash it before I put it up, but at least it's done!

I went to church at 10:30. It was a good service!I sat by a cute couple, talked to some friends afterwards, played a new intstrument made of wood... it was indonesian, but I can't remember the name of it.

Now it's now. I am finally connected with the world through the good ol' internet and there are no e-mails to be found, no friends online, nothing... what a sucess! heh. I think I am going to go clean my bathroom. It's the last room to be spiffed and then the whole apt. will be clean(besides sarahh's room!).

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!!

The Truth comes out... this is who I was really with this weekend and as you can see we were having a wonderful not to mention romantic time!

All Turkeys Eve

Yes it is true. Today is the Eve of many a Turkey's plunder and humiliation. Personally I would not like to be stuffed and slowly cooked for several hours and then put on display only to be cut up and eaten. All of this is only after getting ahead chopped off, feathers pulled and a good ol' fashioned gutting! Gee, I love Thanksgiving!!! Seriously though, I love eating Turkey! Thanks God!


Today I work, then I go up to my Grandma and Grandpa K's for Thanksgiving day. My mom, her girlfriend, and my brother, and one of my uncles will all be in attendance. I hope it is a good day. The last time I went to Grandma's with my mom and brother for a holiday we all had a terrible fight!

On Friday I work again, and then it's the WEEKEND!!! Almost everyone will be gone this weekend so I think I might be productive and clean up the apartment really thuroughly. Then I will write my paper that I was supposed to start Sunday. So far I am behind 1hour of work time. So much for my 20 minute plan!!

So, to all who celebrate Thanksgiving, have an enjoyable weekend away or close by!

Things that make one question life

If you thought that people in your life were lying to you, or as Lisa would say, are saying things that are "hard for you to believe" when they say it, how would you react?
I mean, this happens all the time... and maybe people aren't even lying, but distorting reality, leaving out details, or bending the truth. How does one know how to trust a person who does this on a regular basis? Does it mean one should just take a hint and find new friends, or should one call their friend out on it? It seems like most people aren't stupid and they could and will figure out that people are lying or decieving or whatever you want to call it. Do people who do this regular lying want you to catch a hint or are they living for themselves in those moments?

All I know is that this has happened and continues to happen in my life and I am sick of it. I just get so tired of being tolerant. I want people around that want to be with me just the way I am, not the way they'd like me to be. I think I have that from some of my friends, but other people in my life in general I wonder about.

Humans are funny. It is interesting to think about what makes them tick, and how to react to their ticking.

Oh how I'd love to have Jesus around right now. I love thinking about life with metaphors like so many of Jesus' stories and lessons were told. Life here on earth is so complex, I wonder how complex or how simple Heaven will be. There won't be the drama there is here, we won't be human anymore, we'll be souls, spiritual beings.... wow! That will really change things.

hm, hm, hm.... any thoughts?

Early in the Morning

Hello all, near and far!!

I have been meaning to update, but never did I have the words, motivation, or yeah... that's about it. Today is a different story!

Today is the begining of a 3 week stretch of top performance in all areas from you guess who!!! I Have a big paper to write/compile by Dec. 9th for my internship, student loans to figure out, scholarships to pin down, and regular life to deal with.

My plan is to set a 20min. timer everyday and write for my internship paper. I could even do it at lunch time if I so choose, which would be really great!! After the 20 mins is up I stop! I promised a prof. I would try this method. I am combatting with my stress and procrastination about this dumb thing. I just want to do well!!!!

In other news, I got a kitten!!! I'll post a picture of her soon. She is fluffy and small and cute and cries a lot. I think she still misses her other family. They had cats, dogs, and kids there. I have had her for about 10 days. Overall she's pretty good, just whiney.

Hmmm.... what else?? Oh! Well, it feels as if my life is falling apart! YESSSS!!! In actuality I think God is trying to help me make my life come together, but in the process I am falling apart. I feel like there is something for me, a place I should be, work I should do, people I should serve. I don't think this thing is Rec. Therapy, but I know I will certainly use many of the things I learned in my course work and internships.... prayer prayer prayer... that's what I need!!

I am looking for a job for next semester and I am not going to be a student so if anyone thinks of any non-student jobs please let me know. I think I am willing to do just about anything. I am planning on having more than one job, so part-time work is perfect!!!

I am also trying to figure out where to do my second internship. If anyone has any brilliant ideas of where I can go to work with any sort of special population besides the elderly please give me a shout out!!!! Oh boy am I desperate!

I have to go to work now, I am on 1st floor this week. Last week it was a disaster, we'll see if it's any better this week! I hope it is!!!!

Chao!!

This is oneof my favorite photos!!! I made it into a stamp which adds a cool effect!

A is for APPLE!!

Here you see some party participants making the letter 'a'. I think Katie is taking a nap (sleeping on the job... sheesh!). This was around 10ish when we started to spell HALLOWEEN with our bodies. I know what you are thinking... MAN I wish I could have been there! Truth is, the fun only continues after that. Krista, Sarahhh and I were having a photo shoot until 3:00. It was great to get the creative juices flowing as well as laugh a lot and be dumb. I loved it. I'll be posting some of our photo fun soon after some tweaking!!!

I am off to take my cobbler out of the oven and then head over to Dan and Rob's for some delicious turkey!!!! SCORE!!!

More on my life later!

Me and Lisa, awww!!!!

This is me looking totally 80's at a hott party!!

This is my face

Update

Hello. How do you do? That's a funny phrase isn't it? It's like... how do I do what? I don't know, it's just funny... too many dos in a short amount of time.

In my last entry I talked about Connie, my favorite resident at work who was not doing well. She passed away (or expired in technical terms) last weekend. Things just don't seem the same without her. She used to sit by the fish tank, and by a certain column in the dining room. Often I have found myself look there expecting to see her, and feeling awkward remembering she is gone. Other significant people have died since then too, and it's just a strange feeling. Now that I have rapport, and relationships with these residents it's a big deal when they die, I feel a void. This makes me want to work even harder for them, pray for them and with them more often, get to know them and care for them. It is good and bittersweet all at once.

In other news my life is at another turning point. I don't know exactly which way I am turning, but I am definitely trying to make it more towards God and whatever I am supposed to be doing for and in Him right now. I may have to give up things and take on things that are hard, uncomfortable, and may even leave hard feelings. I am hoping though that people can understand why I am doing what I am doing. Day by day a confusing mess becomes more of a comforting peace as I move closer to what I think may be a solution.

Things in IV are going to change which excites me very much. I am looking forward to all working towards a goal/idea that will finally work for the resources and people we have involved in our group right now. We have been trying so hard in the past few years to make IV great, and to rebuild, but our efforts get to a certain point and then fail, or atleast growth in one way or another stalls. I think that if we all get on board and really strive not for tradition, but for something that will work while still keeping in mind to Misson and Purpose of InterVarsity great things will be accomplished on this campus.

Dudes, I went to a sweet 80's party last night and I won a sweet prize for having the best 80's look! I wasn't even going to go to the party, but when I decided I wanted to I went all out, and it was worth it. I had a good time and it was fun to dress up. Thanks Ilene for initiating and hosting!!!

Today I went to the Hunan house. I must say that it is not a good idea for me to go to a buffet. I just don't eat enough to make it worth it. Unless of course it is Ponderosa! Ponderosa has all my favorites. But seriously, when I am eating rice, and chicken, there is only so much I can eat and that's not even a full plate. It was very delicous, but in the future I'll abstain for a menu restaurant. Besides the food our conversation was great. It was Me, Megan, Jeff, Nate and Jesse. There were good laughs, theology, fortunes/proverbs that didn't make sense, and meaningful conversation. It was refreshing to go out and have such a good time talking eventhough all of us aren't all buddy buddy or anything.

Last night Lisa stayed over which was nice. It was fun to talk about life and have a visitor. She said something that inspired me. She said that she sat down and made a list of all the things she wants to do before she settles down with a family. She said she didn't realize all the things she wanted to do! I think I am going to do it. The other day I made a list of all the things I was longing to do... you know, meaningful life changing things. Now I am going to include those with all the fun and maybe useless things I want to do!!! I'll post it when I am done.

Ok, I am off to have a chat with Ms. Kristin.

PEACE OUT YO!!

Connie

Today is a somber day. I mean, it's been ok an all. I decorated one of the dining rooms for halloween, talked to a few residents one on one, did some paperwork and data entry on the computer. All of that has been alright. Tonight I am going to a training session for work to get a new program started here about famous artwork. After that I am hanging out with Megan which I am very much looking forward to. There are two things though that are preventing my day from being great.

One is that a guy named Claude died last night. He was so cute and when I'd walk by him he'd say "toot toot doodle oot" or other little noises. I found out he'd passed this morning when I got to work. The other reason my day is not excellent is because my favorite resident, Connie is not doing well. She had a stroke this weekend and they are saying she probably won't make it through the night. I am very sad to see her struggling to breathe, face drooping, and no words coming from her. I tried praying for her, I hope she can feel some comfort and peace. I will definitely morn when she is gone.
Well, my lunch break is over so I am off to do some more paperwork! WOOT!

UGH!

I just wrote a lengthy and enjoyable post and then it got erased! What a lameo thing to happen!

Here is a very short version:

I have been feeling really good this past week, my sickness must be gone.

I spent a lot of time with Maria this weekend, tons of hugs and love, fun testing her smartness and teaching her things (she can sort colors!!). I LOVE being with her.

Megan and I are searching through a book while I search at work for the secrets of the masons and how Lemony Snicket's books are secretly a way to reveal the mysteries of the Masons: Both thrilling and enjoyable.

That is all, have a nice day!

Life goes on

Well, my worst fears did not come true. I do not as far as I know have a terminal/scary condition that will effect my internship and possibley the rest of my life. However, it does still hurt a little when I breathe in deeply... hmmm I have been feeling pretty much back to normal besides fatigue here and there. I try to search for tasks at work to keep myself awake at times.

Things with my internship are going well. Tomorrow I am going to shadow my boss. It should be pretty interesting. For the next three days our facility is being evaluated by the state. Tensions are high and administrators are freaking out. It's kinda fun to see people running around. Also, every time I walk by some one, because I am a newer face, they look at my name tag immeadiatly to see if I am from state. It's amusing.

Ok, so I am off to babysit! Hopefully the kids are in bed!!!

SCARED

I am so scared right now. I wish I could say it was a thunderstorm, or the dark, or shadows that I am convinced are monsters when really they're the trees outside.

I am scared of tomorrow. I don't want to do this alone and I feel so alone. At this point my sickness could be anything and by tomorrow I'll know if it's something I have been fearing for a long time, or something I can take an antibiotic, a few days of rest and be back to normal in no time.

I don't know what kinds of tests the doctor will do, I don't know how long it will take to get the results back, I don't know if I'll have to go to another doctor to get answers.

I am thirteen hours away from either dispelling my "silly fear" or making some of my worst nightmares come true.

My fear may be irrational, may be unwaranted, may seem rediculous... but I have been sick for a month, that's gotta make one worry.

I feel exhausted and restless all at once.

I am going to watch a movie with my grandma to try and help get my mind off things.

Thank you to everyone who has been so good to me through all this ickyness of me being sick, thank you for being concerned, encouraging, patient, kind, and for checking up on me. I appreciate it more than you know.

And to my friends on the bus; Tricia, Nick, and Michelle: Talking to you three tonight helped me feel better and more loved. Kristin, talking to you made me think about something exciting and beyond the world of me, thank you for calling me.

NEW POST

Hi.

Well, to spare everyone from my true life I feel I should make up a new one... one that is as romantic, spontaneous and lovely as Joy's. But I will continue on with my own, which is pretty sweet anyway.

The past month here at school has been interesting, challenging, fun, as well as a less emphasized, but very present crappy due to being sick.

I started my internship, and as many of you who talk to me regularly know, I love it. I am making meaningful relationships with my co-workers, and creating wonderful bonds with my residents. Unlike the other staff, I as an intern, work both 1st and sencond floor. The rest of the recreation staff are assigned to just one floor. This makes for two things: more to remember, and more people to care for.

I like getting to know the residents, talking to them, and wheeling them around in their chairs. I have many stories if anyone cares to hear them, and I might just tell you even if you don't. heh.

Just today I had to go in to talk to a new lady and fill out an Activity Assesment where I ask an individual about their interests or things they'd like to be involved in. When I went in and asked the lady how she was doing she replied, "Well, I had a throwing up session right after therapy, and then I went to something else and they brought me back here and I just had another throwing up session." She tells me this while holding a puke container, luckily it was not used yet. The whole time I was praying that she didn't puke on me. :)


Other than my internship and a month long sickness that I am going to the doctor about on Monday and will fill you in on later, my life has been full of friends, IV, TV, and more IV. :) I am the large group coordinator this year, which is something I've never done before, but am enjoying flying by the seat of my pants for now.

I am going home this weekend and I get to see my family and my Sandy, and my baby, ohhh and the BELLY!!! For those of you who don't know Sandy is pregnant again! I think it's a boy. I can't wait to get home to squeeze everyone.

Now it is time for... da da da DAH!!! That's right MORE IV!!! Tonight is fun-night for open house and we're going to deerfield park! WOOT WOOT!!

I'm BAAAACK!!!!

Oh man!

I am back in Mt. Pleasant and boy am I happy to be here! I am hanging out with my buddy Lisa, acctually she went on a round cause she's a cool RA.

Today I got my haircut again. I am bald now... just kidding! It is shorter than the first time I cut it, but I like it! It's all spikey in the back which is enjoyable.

I was supposed to have a get together at my place today, but I ended up going over to Lisa's and getting Hotwings with her. She loved them so much, and it made me so happy! Sometimes I forget how much Lisa and I connect when we don't talk very often. I really enjoy her company and I think we can relate quite well to each other.

Ok, I am done with this now. I have to talk to my friends now.

WEEK!!

I just wrote a post a few days back, a really good, informative, and perhaps entertaining post!!! But then, my computer went all crazy on me and deleted it!

So, I am here now to tell you that things are good.

This week... my last week at home is going to be quite busy.

I am working, babysitting, hanging with my granny, and also with Nick.

I move back to good ol' Mt. Pleaz on Tuesday! I am bringing my bongo game and hot sauce so watch out!!!

I am looking forward to seeing everyone, finally being in the same town as some of my dearest and most favorite people, and living in a place I hold so close to my heart.

For now I am going to bed. I have to get up early to watch zee babay. She is getting so big, so fun, so smart. She signs "please" now, but instead of rubbing her chest like you're supposed to, she rubs her tummy. Guess it's all the same to her.

Ok Dudes, I'm OUT!

PS. I watched "Shall we Dance" tonight. I'd recommend it! I have it on VHS if you want to borrow it!

Photobucket

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Puppy

My puppy is supposed to be born any minute! Princess, my mom's Miniature Pincher was breed with her manly friend Spike, who is a Chihuahua. I'll add that he is about hlaf her size... she is kinda chubby. Spike is four pounds and Princess is 10 pounds when she's not pregnant. I asked my mom if she would breed them again so I could have one of the puppies because I fell in love with one of the "Pinuahua" from the first batch that has been promised to Josh. That puppies name is Stevie, after Stevie Wonder. Stevie has a problem called "water on the brain" that causes him to run in circles, bang into walls, and bob his head back and forth like Stevie Wonder. A perfect dog for my brother I might add! He is even tall and lanky... oh and he prances. lol

Anyway, I have been looking forward to this puppy since the last batch (about a year ago) when my mom said I could have one. She said she would pay for it's shots and get me all set up with a "puppy starter kit". When it's ready to leave it's mother it will be able to fit in my pocket!! AWWW!!!

BUT there is some sad news about my puppy endeavors. I didn't think it would be a problem for me to have a puppy where I am living because the Fountains let Joy have her very large and very charming cat, Bubba. My puppy, even when full grown will be half the size of Bubba. When I asked them on the phone if it would be alright they said no!!! Oh, I was heart broken. I want so badly to have a little compainion to come home to, one that will always love me and want cuddles. Since Maria needs to stay with her parents I thought a puppy was the next best thing! Oh.... I can not tell you how very sad I am right now.

I am going up to Mt. Pleasant on Monday and I am going to talk to them again. I am going to explain just how small this little pup will be and explain that it can't really cause any trouble and if it did I would sign a contract to repair/replace anything that needed to be. I am hoping if I give them my "sad face" and a good argument then it might work. I have just been looking forward to it for so long!

Adventures in Grandma Land

Hi.

So, lately I have been doing a lot of things. Not big things, just quite a few little things.

The other day I came home from work and told my grandma I wanted to go somewhere fun, do something fun, or spend a rediculous amount of money on something I don't need. Now when I said I wanted to spend money I was of course talking about her money and not mine! heh...

ANYWAY, we made plans for the next day (Wednesday) because it was my day off. Our plan was to go to an antique store or two, and then go some place I wanted to go. We settled for this choice after ruling out a cruise. We thought one day would not be enough time for a cruise. :)

So, Wednesday comes and both antique stores we go to are closed! Apparently places like these are only open on the weekend these days. This being said it was my turn. I had a few items that I was dreaming to spend money on:
A Clavinova
A MAC laptop
A Digital Camera
Two Video games and accessories
Jewelry of sorts
and
A purse because honey exploded in mine

That was biggest dream to smallest... I discussed my dream with my grandma and decided I was in an electronics mood so we went for the video games. Grandma's don't know much about video games and so it wasn't very easy for her to catch on to the vision... I did end up getting three DVDs though... she knows about movies.

We left the video game store with the conclusion that grandma would check her finances at home and see if she could get me what I wanted. I learned soon after it was just code for, "it's easier for me to spend my money on other things that I know about, so you have to wait for your electronic bongos that I know nothing about".

We decided to skip over to JC Penny to see if we could at least get me a purse. We went to the purse section and I ended up getting two, and a pair of sunglasses. heh...

For those of you who don't know, I spent most of my early childhood with my grandparents. They live right next door to me and I went to their house nearly everyday. This means not only am I very close to my grandma, but that she lavished me with expensive gifts all growing up. I remember going shopping with her and she'd buy me expensive clothes at private clothes shops... yeah... I know... ew.

OK... so back to my story. We walked past some khaki capris that caught my eye because they were cute and they were 70% off! Grandma suggested that I might as well try on some clothes while I was there since there were such great sales. I agreed it would be a good idea. My arms were bursting with clothes by the time I made it to the dressing room... she just kept loading me up. We were having a good time. I really was enjoying shopping with her. We were both doing something we really enjoyed and we could relate to eachother.

Then we got to the cash register. Before we arrived I asked if I should just pick a few of my favorite things, but of course grandma insisted I just take them all. I thought the total would be a little over $100, maybe $150......... $300!!!! IT WAS Stinkin' $300!!!!!!!!!! I freaked out and was like... "No, that's too much"... we can't spend that much, I was thinking... oh man! I was panacked. I have never (or atleast never known that I was) spending that much money on so little clothes, and never all at once. I was ready to hyperventilate. Grandma of course insisted it was ok, although I think she was a little in shock too! We went out into the lobby and I looked over the receipt pondering how it could have possibly added up to that much. I bought quite a few nice items, and I never shop at JC Penny unless something is $15 or less. All the clothes I bought were for work this fall, so it turned out they were reasonable for the amount and quality.

I don't like this being an adult and buying real clothes thing. I can't believe I own that much worth of clothes... and they are not even complete outfits. I still have to get a few shirts. I am just blown away. I haven't wanted to look at clothes or even get dressed in anything but my pajamas. UGH! I feel so bad. I just keep thinking about all the little kids in this and other countries and how much $300 could buy them. It makes me feel sick.

So anyway, I had a really great time until I got to the cash register. Today my grandma wants to take me back out and get me the video game I wanted. She really is a spender... I guess though, she doesn't really have anybody else to spend it on anymore, and she is very generous in her giving.

I have another story, but I'll put it in a separate blog.... this one is really long!