What Are You Hiding From?

     Last night I had another interesting dream. There were a lot of things that happened, but the part that stuck out the most to me occurred in a cafe. I was with Mike, Felicia and Gretchen. They had already picked out what they wanted and I was still trying to decide what I wanted by the time they sat down and started eating. I had ordered a chicken taco, something I can't remember, and then I was inquiring about a salad with spinach or mixed baby greens. The cafe workers informed me they only had romain lettuce and I was disappointed.
   
     It turned out that my friends parents (Relitz's) owned the cafe , so I told Vicky, "Hey- what's up with not having spinach or mixed baby greens? I was really wanting to make a healthy choice, but you didn't have any and Romain is not worth it." (This was a strange conversation because I don't talk like this) I was instructed by Vicky to go talk to Pastor (I can't remember his name) and give my suggestion to him as he does all the ordering. ???

     
     Now here comes the part that seemed interesting/meaningful. When I approached Pastor so-and-so I noticed he was talking to another guy and I hesitated to interrupt about my salad needs (I don't even like salad that much!!). I went up to him and said, "Hello, sir... sorry to interrupt you. My name is Liz and I was told I should talk to you about salads offered in the cafe." He looked at me as to say, "go on", and so I did. I said, "I was hoping for spinach or mixed baby greens for my salad, how come you don't carry it?" He paused for a second and looked at me as if to analyze my soul and said, "Please forgive me for being forward, but what are you trying to hide from?"
       I didn't know what to say and I didn't know what I was hiding, but I also felt strangely vulnerable and like he knew something about me that I didn't want anyone to know... although I didn't have anything specific in mind. I sort of stumbled over my words and told him that maybe he thought I was hiding from something because I felt awkward coming over and introducing myself to him. As he looked at me in disbelief he said, "I just want you to think about that, ask yourself what you are hiding from."

Then I woke up.

     This question has been haunting me a little bit today. What am I hiding from?? What other way could this question be phrase to be more understandable to me?? Why the salad??

   
      I have been thinking lately about my next step in life. I feel like I am  often thinking about this, but the time has come where the actual next step is getting closer. This school year I will be pursuing a certification as a Birth Doula and lactation consultant. I am excited about this next stage in the process to becoming a midwife, but I am also thinking past that. I feel that next year will be a year to do something new in a new place. My heart is calling me west. I would love to live in Oregon and continue to pursue midwifery as I experience a new place. It would be close to so much outdoor beauty; ocean, mountains, rivers, valleys, forests... I want it all!

     I want to keep dreaming and pursuing and working hard toward this next step. May I not lose motivation or vision. May God give me a path that is at the very least clear that it is the right path. Whether it is moving west or staying close, may God's will be done. Please keep my heart alive, Jesus! I have been enjoying the gift of feeling His joy and a wakening of things that have gone dormant for too long.