My dreams have been a powerful
proponent in my life and have helped me to sort out personal battles, given me
inspiration into healing I didn't even know I needed, and prepare me to walk into
situations in the future with a clear mind. Some days they mean nothing and
other days are just what I needed to see or hear. They often allow me to step
into another's shoes in order to provide encouragement or prompt me to say a
prayer or reach out and say hello to and old friend. Today I am sharing a
portion of a dream that seemed particularly meaningful to me about a woman
named Lana.
During my dream there were many
things that happened. One of which, was me reading a message from Lana's
husband about some issues she was having with seizures. It was just a quick
note to say that everything was ok; they were taking care of her and asking
people to please not freak out or talk about it. In the dream, I take note of
the message and think about how I can best be a support during this time. I
decide I need to be a protector and make sure that I heed the messages request,
but also be available if help is needed.
The dream then cuts to me with
a bunch of kids. We are playing and building forts and playing pretend. As time
goes on we end up playing outside in the park... either by walking there or
magically transporting. :) I won't get into that whole portion, but towards the
end of this scene I walk over to a car that is supposed to be taking the kids
home before their curfew, as I wanted to make sure everything was set and they
get home on time. As I turn back toward the park I see some commotion, and on the
ground surrounded by a rectangle of chalk on pavement, Lana is having a
full-blown seizure. I think to myself, "Oh crap, there it is" with a
kind of calm yet urgent inner voice. There is some one behind her head keeping
it from banging on the ground and I am running up just as the seizure is
ending. As I go to her to talk with her, others start encircling the chalk
rectangle that contains Lana and her shaken body. I feel torn because I feel
like I am supposed to come near and encourage, but I don't want to be doing it
out of panic or in a way that is not welcomed.
Lana's husband is standing at
the foot of the rectangle just outside the chalk-line. I look toward him
looking down at her; He is calm, yet concerned with the crowd. He gives me a
little nod as to say it's ok for me to approach. I crouch down, Lana is sitting
up now, and I ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" She starts
telling me a little about her seizures and that she is not sure why they keep
happening. She looks discouraged yet strong… somehow these both come across in
her… discouragement in her slightly slumped body, but determination in her
eyes. Her face looks tired, almost as if she's had a stroke and some of her
teeth have broken along the left side. She tells me that maybe if everyone
calms down she can tell the story of what's been going on with her, and I see a
little joy in her eyes and I assume she wants to share-- she wants to be able to
tell people more.
Just as I look away from this
flicker of joy, the crowd starts surrounding again, asking questions, some
crying, some shouting... they've had to wait too long and are getting
increasingly distressed. I stand to assess the situation and as I do, a nurse shouts
loudly into the crowd, "Everyone needs to back up and give Lana some
space! We will fill you in when the time is right and give you details on
Lana's condition!" As I look back down to Lana she is starting to cry. I
reach out my hand to her and she takes it as I help her stand. She is looking
at the ground with tears welling in her eyes. I lean in and whisper into her
ear, "That's hard isn't it?" She gives a little nod and I pull her in
for a hug and just hold her and let her cry.
When I said, "That's hard
isn't it?” I was talking about being in a position to not be able to talk for
herself... others were doing it for her... the whole crowd was there throwing
out ideas and questions, the nurse was claiming "we" will update
you... which Lana knew wouldn't be and opportunity to share like she would’ve
liked. As I was hugging Lana I got woken up by the morning sounds of the day,
so I didn't get to talk further with her in the dream about how she was
feeling.
As I lay in bed, I reflected on
the dream and especially where it left off... trying be able to understand
fully the emotions involved and unspoken words and if there was anything to be
learned or understood for waking life. I felt like it was important to take
both the beginning message and the last scene into account. There was a request
for normalcy, there was a longing for genuineness, there was thirst to be known
fully, and there was protection and also intrusion. There was a need for gentle
understanding, for asking to be allowed in, and for support of emotions with
comfort and reassurance.
I pondered on what a delicate
dance life must be like for some one who is in Lana's position... she is a
person who is known by many, but only deeply and safely known by some comparatively speaking. A life
where secrets must be kept; not out of desire, but out of necessity. She has a
journey that includes many eyes with many voices all butting in where they
aren't invited... and for what? Curiosity? A lack of their own sense of self?
Longing to be known and loved themselves? It is a curious position we humans
put ourselves in; we have our own lives yet can become obsessed with others and
think of their lives as our own. We can escape into alternate realities and be
convinced it is the place we belong.
I hope that for Lana she feels
joy today. That the people she wants to share with she does so, and it feels
safe... that although the healthy balance of protection and uncovering at times possibly includes a thick fortress, she feels freedom... because freedom is found
in safety. And joy can be found in all sorts of places, even those that are
hard and stressful. I hope for the world that they can be loved in a way that
is true and good and full of understanding grace as well as healthy boundaries
and moments of filling up, so that each person can live fully and allow others do
so as well.
May I take my own advice as
well, and live in a way that is honoring to others and welcomes them in as well
as making sure I am taking care of myself in good and healthy ways as to not
drain life from those around me. May I ask when I am in need and give
generously as I am filled to over-flowing.
Be blessed Lana and all people of the world! Today
is your day! Today has great opportunity for growth, learning, love and being
loved. Soak it up!
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