What if it was important??

Today I was at the hospital with my grandpa today. I was there for a good 7.5 hours. Grandma and I spent the whole day together chatting and enjoying each others company. I always like spending time with her, especially one on one.

While my grandma was at lunch, I was standing next to my grandpa for a while. During that time a doctor came in and was trying to see if he was disorientated and asked him who I was. I know grandpa knew because of the way he looked at me, but he didn't have enough motor control to say my name. After the doctor left I told him that I knew he knew who I was and it was ok that he couldn't say it. I reassured him I could tell he was trying to make the 'L' sound by the way he was moving his tongue. He kinda looked at me like, "yeah, I was!". He then looked at me like he had something to tell me. He just kept staring at me, and then at the ceiling, trying to concentrate so hard to try and communicate a word, or words... I stood there for a while patiently waiting for something to happen, a sound, a word so I could fill in the blank... anything. All he could do was stare at the ceiling.

What if he had to tell me something important? What if it was a piece of advice that I'd wish I'd had? What if he just wanted to say I love you!! Man, that was hard. I wanted to cry. I had to go and ask the nurse for a drink so that I didn't cry in front of him. I didn't want him to see that I was upset. I know it sucks for him to be in the postion he's in. He can barely tell us yes or no sometimes. It hurts so much to look into his eyes. I see so much pain and distress. He has beautiful eyes. Bright and light blue they are so stunning. They are eyes that can be trusted; loving, kind, and gentle eyes. I love him, I really do... it is so hard to see him suffering in so many ways. Today was hard for me. I cried a lot. And so did grandma.

I am here at home for another day, and then it's back up to Mt. Pleasant. I am hoping to spend some time with Megan this week. I have another paper due for my Eng. class and a lot of reading to do. I am still not working in the way I thought I would be by now. I have had one shift, and another one to come on Saturday. I am so confused because I was under the impression that I could work 40 hours a week. I am going to have to do some inquiring to see what exactly is going on.

I miss you all my friends. I would love nothing more to be spending time with some of you, being crazy, and having a blast.