Back to the Grind

I am back in Mt. Pleasant today (got back last night for babysitting). Spent the holiday in bed with my boyfriend. I wasn't feeling very good today so I slept a lot. I watched two movies and went to the grocery store for milk, bagels, cream cheese, and a frozen treat... all of which were on sale I might add. I am going to try and make that my grocery trip for this week and next. We'll see if it works!!
Luckily the computer lab was open today so I had an excuse to get out of the house. I rollerbladed a little bit earlier today, but on a beautiful day like today it's hard to just sit around. I did have time to do some reading for class and a little personal reading and reflection however, which was much needed and very enjoyable.
When I left last night from Sandy's it was very hard. I wanted nothing more than to stay and cuddle with her and the baby. My visits there seem so short, and Sandy and I don't get much together time because of trying to get things done and being distracted by the little cutie. We did get to chat about important things for a while yesterday and Friday she stayed up a little later than usual because she wanted me to play with her hair. That was nice. My time with Maria is so precious to me. I eat up every moment. We are developing such a bond. We are learning how to communicate with each other and play. Anyway, she is really great.
Tomorrow is class, and a meeting with a lady at work. I am going to try and figure out why I am not getting any hours! I have another paper to start this week for class. Should be pretty interesting. I think I am going to write about WalMart! Such controversy, so exciting!
I'll see all you crazy kids later!

What if it was important??

Today I was at the hospital with my grandpa today. I was there for a good 7.5 hours. Grandma and I spent the whole day together chatting and enjoying each others company. I always like spending time with her, especially one on one.

While my grandma was at lunch, I was standing next to my grandpa for a while. During that time a doctor came in and was trying to see if he was disorientated and asked him who I was. I know grandpa knew because of the way he looked at me, but he didn't have enough motor control to say my name. After the doctor left I told him that I knew he knew who I was and it was ok that he couldn't say it. I reassured him I could tell he was trying to make the 'L' sound by the way he was moving his tongue. He kinda looked at me like, "yeah, I was!". He then looked at me like he had something to tell me. He just kept staring at me, and then at the ceiling, trying to concentrate so hard to try and communicate a word, or words... I stood there for a while patiently waiting for something to happen, a sound, a word so I could fill in the blank... anything. All he could do was stare at the ceiling.

What if he had to tell me something important? What if it was a piece of advice that I'd wish I'd had? What if he just wanted to say I love you!! Man, that was hard. I wanted to cry. I had to go and ask the nurse for a drink so that I didn't cry in front of him. I didn't want him to see that I was upset. I know it sucks for him to be in the postion he's in. He can barely tell us yes or no sometimes. It hurts so much to look into his eyes. I see so much pain and distress. He has beautiful eyes. Bright and light blue they are so stunning. They are eyes that can be trusted; loving, kind, and gentle eyes. I love him, I really do... it is so hard to see him suffering in so many ways. Today was hard for me. I cried a lot. And so did grandma.

I am here at home for another day, and then it's back up to Mt. Pleasant. I am hoping to spend some time with Megan this week. I have another paper due for my Eng. class and a lot of reading to do. I am still not working in the way I thought I would be by now. I have had one shift, and another one to come on Saturday. I am so confused because I was under the impression that I could work 40 hours a week. I am going to have to do some inquiring to see what exactly is going on.

I miss you all my friends. I would love nothing more to be spending time with some of you, being crazy, and having a blast.

Wedding Bells

Yesterday was Megan and Jeff's wedding day. It was a gorgeous day outside and in! The decorations were divine, and the ceremony was perfect. The reception was filled with good music, great friends, a bustle broken by a little girl (don't worry I fixed it!), yummy food, a romantic dance, plenty of laughs, reunions, and a birthday cake too!!
The time before the wedding I ran around communicating between bride, groom, officiant, and families. It was pretty fun, I love stuff like that. Everything ran very smoothly.

The ceremony was just perfect for the two of them! Everything was done with such quality, especially the music and dance. Yesterday truly was a celebration of the two of them.

When they left the church I helped Megan and Jeff unload their gifts and wished them a happy honeymoon. Then I got to my car and realized I forgot my keys! I almost just walked home and waited for them to call me later (partly because I was scared they would be naked already based on a story I heard earlier that day, but more because I knew how much they wanted to relax). They were so happy to just be together; alone without people being weird to them, or taking their picture, I didn't want to be a lame-o. I decided that I might as well just interrupt their togetherness now instead of later. We all laughed when I came back, and I got to wish them a second goodbye! :)

I just looked down the street (I am in the extended hours study) and saw Megan and Jeff pick up Jeff's car! They are off for their honeymoon on Mackinac Island! Lots of fun and fudge to come!!!

Today at church we had a great service! We learned about conflict and how to deal with it. If anyone wants to hear the sermon it's at mpcc.org... Probably will be posted within the week. The things Pastor Scott had to say were very valuable and applicable! Then after that couples in the church who had already gone through a special packet on their own were invited to come up on stage and renew their vows. It was so great! They all looked at each other with sincere love. The sparks were flying!!!

Joylyn and her new man Thor came to stay with me last night after the wedding. We went to Doozies, watched Shrek 2 and Joy and I had girl talk in my room until late. It was so great to be able to catch up, and just talk like we used to! Thor is great too! He was a very gentlemanly, considerate fello.

Today I am studying, eating a yummy leftover lunch, possibly napping, maybe watching a movie later with Jes and Natalie, and generally relaxing!!! Ah! It feels so good to have a day of rest!

PEACE!

More Drama?!?!?!

Apparently my step-mother over-exaggerated what I said to her making me sound way more nasty than I really was. She told my dad that I said "You are nothing to me. And I don't want to be here because you are here", along with some other things that weren't at all what I said. UGH! I explained to my dad what really happened and he was ok with it. He knows she takes everything I say too far, and over reacts to the things I say. It made me feel a lot better to know he understood. Oh, and I guess that angry stare she gave me was her way of "Staying clear of me"... I am not sure how that's going to solve anything, and neither is my dad, but I guess I'll just be extra polite and gracious the next time I see her. This whole Step-mom thing is so weird! I hope that time will make things better. Anyway, enough of that...

So, lately I have been really into reading my friend Rebecca's Mom's web journal. Rebecca's mom (Pam or Pammy) has a form of leukemia. I found out about this a while ago, and ever since I have been checking up regularly on the status of things. She writes everyday, or has someone else write for her if she is too weak. I got to see pictures of her "Birthday" (The day she got a bone marrow transplant). It is so amazing to be able to read what she goes through everyday. I'd recommend this to everyone who has an illness like this. It makes it easy to look back on things, and also makes it easy for others to check up on you.
The most amazing part though, is seeing how much Rebecca's faith has grown. For a while I was concerned that she had dropped God and was on her own path... not a path to horrible things, but a path that was not God's. Seeing the way she writes for her mom, and even a previous website that updated things before Pam went into the hospital has shown me how dependent on God Rebecca has become. It makes me just filled with joy and excitement to see this happening! the way she talks about God, His faithfulness, and the power of prayer truly gets me excited. Man, it's soooo COOL! WOOT WOOT!!!

I have also decided to pick up something I started a long time ago: Dream journaling. I am not doing it for any other reason other than that it's so funny/interesting to look back and see how ridiculous they are. I had a dream this morning that I have to journal still... I think I am going to entitle it "Mopey". If you really want to know who Mopey is (yes it is a character in my dream), you'll have to ask the next time you see me. I also have a dream in there from a long time ago titled: David Hasselhoff and the End of the World. LOL Going back and reading them I can remember exactly what the dream was, it is really neat.

That's all my thoughts for now. I have work tonight, which is a nice bit of unexpected income! God is good! All the time, all the time He is good!!! I love that song!!!

Controlled by a Strong Canadian Wind

Something about the wind blowing in from Canada is making me feel like the only way I can get onto AIM or MSN is if I update my blog first. hmmmm... I better be cautious.

So, I am here in Mt. Pleasant... Ah, how I love spring time on campus. The trees all have their leaves, the tulips are coming out, the grass is thick and green, and the crab apple and berry trees have their blossoms. I just love walking around here when everything is so beautiful.

I am taking one summer class: English 201 (advanced composition). It seems like it is going to be both intriguing and a lot of work.

*** I'm interrupting this update to tell you that a very gross man is sitting across from me and is coughing without covering his mouth. He is also moaning at random times, which I am assuming is him clearing his throat... He just looked at me... Maybe he can sense I am writing about him! AHHH***

Anyway, back to school... I am looking forward to being able to work hard at one class and do really well. I already had one test that counted towards my grade and it's only the second day of class. I didn't fail it! YAY!

I start my summer job soon, and for those of you who don't know yet, I will be working for Listening Ear. I am going to be working in a group home on midnight shifts probably 3 times a week and also helping a couple guys do things in the community... I am assuming recreation, grocery shopping, etc. I am not sure of all the details yet, but I will let you all know as soon as I know. I have a three hour meeting on Thursday morning where I will fill out paper work and watch some sort of video.

So, sad news... My grandpa is in the hospital. I don't feel like talking about it right now because I feel like I have told the story so many times. I can say though that I am learning a lot, and being tested at my limits. God is working in my family, and in me, yet tragedy is also at work. It is interesting to see how everyone reacts.
OK IT'S ANNOYING STEP MOM TIME!!!!
(krista, I can't believe I forgot to tell you this story... She is still mad me)
So, when I got home to my actual house and was going to be there for more than a few hours it wasn't until about Thursday of last week when I had actually been in town since the previous Friday. So on that day I decided I should do some much needed laundry. There was laundry in the washer and dryer that belonged to dad, Joe and Dee. I took the laundry from the dryer and set in on a big tupper ware container like usual, and put the clothes from the wash in the dryer. As usually expected, upon the ding of the dryer I took the clothes out and put them on top of the first pile. I went about my business not really thinking much of my actions since it is the way things have been done for a long long time.
The next day I got a phone call from a friend and decided to take it outside. When I got back in Dee said "Liz, did your dad talk to you about the laundry", I said "no" and looked at her quizzically. "Well", she said "Next time... The hangers are sitting right there can you just hang up the clothes instead of piling them in a big heap, I don't want them to get wrinkled."

UGH!!!!! OK, for real people, these "clothes" were mostly random lounge clothes that were ugly anyway and no one should ever wear, besides what the heck?!?! Why was she confronting me about this anyway, how was I supposed to know that the hangers were supposed to be used or if they were extras, and why was this expectation of a new practice put on me when I was just doing what was always done????
THE DRAMA CONTINUES
So, I say to her that I was only doing what I have always done, and she says she just wants me to be more considerate... blah blah... So I am upset and want to say really horrible things, but decided to tell her that maybe next time I will, or maybe I won't. I then proceed to go down stairs and slam the door as hard as I can. I am sitting in my room thinking very nasty cuss words, and wanting to punch something. I was just so taken aback that this new rule, or expectation or whatever was put on my shoulders when I didn't even know it existed, and when I didn't come through, Dee gets upset. UGH AGAIN!! Oh man, I was so mad... More mad than I have been in a long time. The act of helping with laundry itself was not the big deal, I like helping... It was the way I was reprimanded with an upset look and tone when I didn't do anything wrong. I decided to take matters further by confronting Dee. I took a few deep breaths and walked up stairs.

IT ALL COMES OUT!

I go up stairs and tell her "Never tell me to do something like that after the fact again! If you want me to help with the laundry just say: "Liz, I am really busy today, can you please take those clothes and put them on hangers for me?". "Don't get upset when I don't do something I didn't even know I was supposed to do!" My speech gets long after this and I proceed to tell her how I don't like staying at home because I don't like things are done around there. I don't feel like it's my home anymore. I wish dad was there, and if he were I'd come home more often. I told her that Sandy's house was where I felt at home. She tried to say as she always does "I am sorry that you feel that way, what can I do to change it?" The point was though, and I told her this... I wanted to see Dad... That's what would make things better. He is barely home, and when he is they are in their room having sex (I left the sex part out). Anyway, it's true. I left upset and unresolved, but I think I got my point across.
SHE WON'T LET IT GO
Sunday at church I went over to Dee and Dad to say hello. Oh man, was she still mad... It had been two days! Anyway... I got over her stupidness, so I figured she'd be over my rebuttal... Apparently not. She wouldn't talk to me, and when she looked at me she gave me "the look". Now her look is different than a regular "mom look". This is worse. This is a "you made me upset, I want things my way, I am gonna get them, I got your daddy and you can't do anything about it look". Oh man... It is scary. So... That's how things are right now... We'll see with all the extra stress of my grandpa how it unfolds.


WOW, this is a really long entry... Perhaps I'll write more tomorrow. There is something else I want to write about, but I'll just have to keep you in suspense!!