Grandpa

My grandfather passed away on Tuesday. I saw him die. It was very unnerving. At times I still feel very creeped out... almost dirty. I have pretty much felt sick and not been able to eat much although it is getting better, especially today. I don't think I feel sick because I am sad. If you have ever seen someone die, been touching them even, you'll know why I feel sick. Everyone keeps saying he smiled before he died, but no one saw what Dad and I saw. He was smiling five minutes before he stopped breathing, but he was trying to scream when he died.

I am not missing him yet. It is strange to look over and see his body in the casket. They made him look different from how he looked in hospice; Almost like a doll... I don't like it. I haven't gone over to the casket and I try to keep my back to it. The object in the casket is a shell that once held a great man, but to me now is only a vessel. When I look around my grandma's house, or when I think about or talk to people who are very sad to hear that he is no longer living I feel sad. Personally though, for now I am not sad. I am relieved and joyful. Maybe it will hit me later.

I am going to CALIFORNIA in 3.5 days!!! I am so so excited!!! Nick is taking me to the airport and Krista is meeting us there!!! It is going to be sooo fun! I think I will poke Krista the whole way!!! hee hee If I have computer access I'll update from there.

Ok, well... I am skipping out of the visitation right now to write this... needed a little break.

Tomorrow is the funeral at the methodist church--12noon and lunch to follow. He is being creamated so there is no burial service or anything.

Talk at ya later!!!