In my life right now, I feel that I am in a time of change, of preparation, of transition, growth, and challenge. God is teaching me so much about who I am and how He loves, and how I should love and act in response to His plans and promises for me.
I just got off the phone with one of my dearest friends. She has seen me in some of my best and worst moments. We walked through the life stages of teenage girl to young woman together. I trust her with my deepest secrets and ugliest mistakes. I value her opinion and insight of my heart more than most anyone. At times she knows me better than I do.
Tonight, we were talking about this whole transition that I am going through. In short, I am on a journey to a healthier life; physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, and spiritually. In the midst of all this change there is confusion. There are times I want to give up because my goals are never reached. I push my self to a level of crazy that no one should ever reach and then I give up because my expectations are too high. One of the most meaningful things she said in our conversation was pertaining to the idea that God has all of these good things he made for me; a huge stock pile of good and all I have to do is dive in and take what I like-- and all I have to do to take, is to give up the things-- things like setting unrealistic expectations and taking measures to reach a goal that isn't healthy. These things amongst others, are ugly and full of slavery even though they at times feel like freedom.
She gave me this illustration from a book called 8 cousins:
There was a little girl who lived with her father. Her father was very strict and stern and made her do a lot of things that are high expectations for a child. She had to sit still a lot, sew and read and do lessons much more than other children. Her father died and she was sent to live with her uncle and aunt. When she arrived there, she found that life was very different. One of the first being that she had 8 boy cousins-- you can probably imagine her shock. Secondly, things there were happy, good and loving and the girl was really sad and didn't know how to fit in here in her new life. Her uncle gave her a gift. He brought her a big box of colorful silks from China that she could sew and create with. The girl was so excited about them and wanted to use them right away. Her uncle told her that he would give her this gift as long as she not wear all black anymore, and she may/must play and act as a child, free from the slavery of trying to act as an adult. The girl had a sea of possibilities right in front of her that would give her joy as long as she turned from the things that she knew--- the things that were destroying her spirit.
My friend said to me, "I have this vision of you going through this box of silks that God has already prepared for you, and you are trying everything on". Also, that I would try everything on in freedom and look back and see the slavery I came from.
What a beautiful way to end a day. I really feel this is what God has for me. He has a store house full of the health and beauty that is already mine, but to see it I must walk away from the darkness of the world and into the freedom of letting God move in me and change me, to heal and restore me.
God is so good.
PS. Dear friend, if I forgot anything or quoted you wrong let me know. There is so much more I took away from our conversation, but this is one thing that stuck in my mind so strongly. Thank you for being my friend and for loving me.
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