SCARED

I am so scared right now. I wish I could say it was a thunderstorm, or the dark, or shadows that I am convinced are monsters when really they're the trees outside.

I am scared of tomorrow. I don't want to do this alone and I feel so alone. At this point my sickness could be anything and by tomorrow I'll know if it's something I have been fearing for a long time, or something I can take an antibiotic, a few days of rest and be back to normal in no time.

I don't know what kinds of tests the doctor will do, I don't know how long it will take to get the results back, I don't know if I'll have to go to another doctor to get answers.

I am thirteen hours away from either dispelling my "silly fear" or making some of my worst nightmares come true.

My fear may be irrational, may be unwaranted, may seem rediculous... but I have been sick for a month, that's gotta make one worry.

I feel exhausted and restless all at once.

I am going to watch a movie with my grandma to try and help get my mind off things.

Thank you to everyone who has been so good to me through all this ickyness of me being sick, thank you for being concerned, encouraging, patient, kind, and for checking up on me. I appreciate it more than you know.

And to my friends on the bus; Tricia, Nick, and Michelle: Talking to you three tonight helped me feel better and more loved. Kristin, talking to you made me think about something exciting and beyond the world of me, thank you for calling me.