Technology

People are so hungry and thirsty for love in this broken world. We are in an age where the now 20-30somethings come from a lot of divorce, substance abused, sexual assault, and general dysfunction. Then  as a society we became so intertwined with the internet that people created alternate universes for themselves. As much as I love the things I am able to do with the advancements in technology, and connection that the internet provides, I often wonder what freedoms; what genuine and meaningful experiences I am robbing myself of when I engage deeply in electronic life. I pray that I never get so swept up in it as to not be able to find my way out. May there always be daily "unplugging" in my life.

Robbed

So, I went ahead and tried to move forward with plans to get the heck outa this town. I have been thinking and praying a lot about moving to Oregon and I thought it would be a good idea to try and get a buddy pass to fly out on my winter vacation to check out some neighborhoods.

Now, I don't have much money to spare, so that's why I was going to go with the buddy pass option. I had previously purchased one off of craigslist and it went great! When I saw a new posting for a SWA pass for 180 bucks I was super excited.

My excitment was soon turned to despair after I put up half the payment for the ticket and was swiftly ignored by the seller; phone number blocked, hung up on when calling with private number, no response to texts or e-mails.

I feel so disappointed! I was so looking forward to being able to get out to Oregon and scope out a few places. Plane tickets at the cheapest are running at $522 from Chicago right now! UGH!

So, I lost $90 and learned a lesson, but it wasn't fun.

Feeling a bit discouraged, but still have hope that I will get the opportunity to go out there and so some research.

Catch and Release

It's the end of an era in my life and I couldn't be more thrilled! As summer is turning to fall here in Chicago, I am dreaming of when spring will turn to summer and I will be released into a new season of life. I feel alive, full of hope, relieved, and slightly nervous.

I had a talk yesterday with my bosses that included an end note about my job as their nanny ending in July when the kids go to summer camp. The kids are now 13 and 10 and really don't need a nanny anymore. I will be leaving exactly how I wanted to... like Nanny McPhee or Mary Poppins; when the kids don't need me anymore.

I must tell you, as hard as it will be to say goodbye to those kids, I am delighted to be entering a new season of life! I have been in a sort of waiting period... life has kind of been on hold. It has felt this way for a long time... probably 4-5 years actually. I haven't felt strong direction or freedom to go on to a new adventure until recently, and this meeting confirms my inner promptings.

My plan is to think about, pray about, research, and seek advice about moving out west. I'd like to live in Oregon, but I feel open to other possibilities as well. I love Oregon and that is the place I feel the most pull toward.

Me on the Oregon Coast in 2009

I have been to Oregon three times and loved it every time. When I am in Oregon I feel alive... I love the air, the sea, the green, the pace of life! I enjoyed Portland, the coast, and some towns in the mid-eastern portion of the state during my previous visits. Although I wasn't there for more than a week each time, I really didn't mind the drizzling rain throughout the day.

Anyway- there will be more to come about this, and I can't wait to share how this next year evolves and how God guides and provides me to my next steps.

Hope you have a blessed day!

When a Cold is More Than a Cold

At risk of being vulnerable, I will share something here that I am feeling right now.

One of my biggest struggles is when I am not feeling well and I know (or feel) that there won't be anyone to take care of me. This is a familiar feeling for me, as due to circumstances out of my control, throughout my childhood I was required much of the time to take care of myself. I had many a night with a puke bucket by my bed, or a stack of snotty tissues piled on my nightstand that I had to clean up in the morning... Right before I made myself some chicken soup, took my temperature,  or administered medicine. I learned to be self sufficient and to suffer quietly not only physically, but also emotionally. I acted tough and didn't ask for help. 

Today this pattern still exists to some extent, and the part that's the hardest is the emotional part. There have been seasons in my life where I was in a safe community to share needs and where those needs were met in significant ways, but now as I lie here with my scratchy throat and pounding head, that community is tucked away in years past. It's the emotional ties attached to the physical that becomes hard for me. I so badly want a back rub and some one to play with my hair... Some one to bring me something to drink... Some one who I can tell that "I am fine and don't need anything else right now"... The security in knowing that a person is available is strength enough to perk me up, or toughen me up... Whichever is more applicable in the moment. 

I realize that there are people out there tonight with no friends and no family, with no home and no food, and certainly those who feel worse than I do with the hopefully minor cold that is currently trying to take over my body. I can't shake the loneliness tonight though... The weight is heavy and I am having trouble seeing outside of myself. 

God please help me. Heal my body and heal my heart... Let me be vulnerable with the people I know love me when I need help or special care. Let me not be afraid of my need and the fear of rejection that is paired with my needs. Free me to be whole and open and to trust. May I trust in You and Your tender care for my body and my soul. Grow me, change me, humble me, inspire me, speak to me, and hear my prayers. Amen.

What Are You Hiding From?

     Last night I had another interesting dream. There were a lot of things that happened, but the part that stuck out the most to me occurred in a cafe. I was with Mike, Felicia and Gretchen. They had already picked out what they wanted and I was still trying to decide what I wanted by the time they sat down and started eating. I had ordered a chicken taco, something I can't remember, and then I was inquiring about a salad with spinach or mixed baby greens. The cafe workers informed me they only had romain lettuce and I was disappointed.
   
     It turned out that my friends parents (Relitz's) owned the cafe , so I told Vicky, "Hey- what's up with not having spinach or mixed baby greens? I was really wanting to make a healthy choice, but you didn't have any and Romain is not worth it." (This was a strange conversation because I don't talk like this) I was instructed by Vicky to go talk to Pastor (I can't remember his name) and give my suggestion to him as he does all the ordering. ???

     
     Now here comes the part that seemed interesting/meaningful. When I approached Pastor so-and-so I noticed he was talking to another guy and I hesitated to interrupt about my salad needs (I don't even like salad that much!!). I went up to him and said, "Hello, sir... sorry to interrupt you. My name is Liz and I was told I should talk to you about salads offered in the cafe." He looked at me as to say, "go on", and so I did. I said, "I was hoping for spinach or mixed baby greens for my salad, how come you don't carry it?" He paused for a second and looked at me as if to analyze my soul and said, "Please forgive me for being forward, but what are you trying to hide from?"
       I didn't know what to say and I didn't know what I was hiding, but I also felt strangely vulnerable and like he knew something about me that I didn't want anyone to know... although I didn't have anything specific in mind. I sort of stumbled over my words and told him that maybe he thought I was hiding from something because I felt awkward coming over and introducing myself to him. As he looked at me in disbelief he said, "I just want you to think about that, ask yourself what you are hiding from."

Then I woke up.

     This question has been haunting me a little bit today. What am I hiding from?? What other way could this question be phrase to be more understandable to me?? Why the salad??

   
      I have been thinking lately about my next step in life. I feel like I am  often thinking about this, but the time has come where the actual next step is getting closer. This school year I will be pursuing a certification as a Birth Doula and lactation consultant. I am excited about this next stage in the process to becoming a midwife, but I am also thinking past that. I feel that next year will be a year to do something new in a new place. My heart is calling me west. I would love to live in Oregon and continue to pursue midwifery as I experience a new place. It would be close to so much outdoor beauty; ocean, mountains, rivers, valleys, forests... I want it all!

     I want to keep dreaming and pursuing and working hard toward this next step. May I not lose motivation or vision. May God give me a path that is at the very least clear that it is the right path. Whether it is moving west or staying close, may God's will be done. Please keep my heart alive, Jesus! I have been enjoying the gift of feeling His joy and a wakening of things that have gone dormant for too long.

1st AC

I just finished up working on a short film called Flyway, directed by a friend of mine. It was an amazing experience. This is the second short film I have worked on with this director and crew. The story follows a group of teen boys on a little adventure that must remain nameless until further notice. ;)

On the set of the last film I was a production assistant. I basically helped out wherever needed whether that was holding lights, running errands, and recording sound bytes for audio. This time around I had a more involved role as the 1st AC (assistant camera). I worked with the Director of Photography which I learned, entails much more than just holding the camera and pressing record.

I got to use the slate, help set up the camera, and do my favorite and most challenging part; pulling focus. I can't wait to see the finished product and think to myself, "Hey! I did that!" when the focus changes from close to far in a scene.

After four long and satisfying days of shooting I feel alive! I feel ready to take on the world. My brain is awake and my body is tired yet stirring with anticipation of the next adventure in life. Working on this film is just what I needed.

I am dreaming today about what is next... what will the next year bring? What steps to my goals and aspirations will I take in the coming weeks? It feels good to feel motivated and excited about what is to come instead of feeling like waiting will never end.

Dream about Lana

     I always dream in color with strange details and vivid images. There is usually someone morphing into someone else and I am usually experiencing the scene both inside myself as me and outside myself while still feeling my own emotions... this phenomena often seems to happen at the same time. I at times see numbers,  hear songs, or  have words that pop up in my dream and use them to help me find meaning (if there is any) in the morning. 

     

     My dreams have been a powerful proponent in my life and have helped me to sort out personal battles, given me inspiration into healing I didn't even know I needed, and prepare me to walk into situations in the future with a clear mind. Some days they mean nothing and other days are just what I needed to see or hear. They often allow me to step into another's shoes in order to provide encouragement or prompt me to say a prayer or reach out and say hello to and old friend. Today I am sharing a portion of a dream that seemed particularly meaningful to me about a woman named Lana. 

     

     During my dream there were many things that happened. One of which, was me reading a message from Lana's husband about some issues she was having with seizures. It was just a quick note to say that everything was ok; they were taking care of her and asking people to please not freak out or talk about it. In the dream, I take note of the message and think about how I can best be a support during this time. I decide I need to be a protector and make sure that I heed the messages request, but also be available if help is needed. 

     

     The dream then cuts to me with a bunch of kids. We are playing and building forts and playing pretend. As time goes on we end up playing outside in the park... either by walking there or magically transporting. :) I won't get into that whole portion, but towards the end of this scene I walk over to a car that is supposed to be taking the kids home before their curfew, as I wanted to make sure everything was set and they get home on time. As I turn back toward the park I see some commotion, and on the ground surrounded by a rectangle of chalk on pavement, Lana is having a full-blown seizure. I think to myself, "Oh crap, there it is" with a kind of calm yet urgent inner voice. There is some one behind her head keeping it from banging on the ground and I am running up just as the seizure is ending. As I go to her to talk with her, others start encircling the chalk rectangle that contains Lana and her shaken body. I feel torn because I feel like I am supposed to come near and encourage, but I don't want to be doing it out of panic or in a way that is not welcomed. 

     

     Lana's husband is standing at the foot of the rectangle just outside the chalk-line. I look toward him looking down at her; He is calm, yet concerned with the crowd. He gives me a little nod as to say it's ok for me to approach. I crouch down, Lana is sitting up now, and I ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" She starts telling me a little about her seizures and that she is not sure why they keep happening. She looks discouraged yet strong… somehow these both come across in her… discouragement in her slightly slumped body, but determination in her eyes. Her face looks tired, almost as if she's had a stroke and some of her teeth have broken along the left side. She tells me that maybe if everyone calms down she can tell the story of what's been going on with her, and I see a little joy in her eyes and I assume she wants to share-- she wants to be able to tell people more. 

     

     Just as I look away from this flicker of joy, the crowd starts surrounding again, asking questions, some crying, some shouting... they've had to wait too long and are getting increasingly distressed. I stand to assess the situation and as I do, a nurse shouts loudly into the crowd, "Everyone needs to back up and give Lana some space! We will fill you in when the time is right and give you details on Lana's condition!" As I look back down to Lana she is starting to cry. I reach out my hand to her and she takes it as I help her stand. She is looking at the ground with tears welling in her eyes. I lean in and whisper into her ear, "That's hard isn't it?" She gives a little nod and I pull her in for a hug and just hold her and let her cry. 

    

     When I said, "That's hard isn't it?” I was talking about being in a position to not be able to talk for herself... others were doing it for her... the whole crowd was there throwing out ideas and questions, the nurse was claiming "we" will update you... which Lana knew wouldn't be and opportunity to share like she would’ve liked. As I was hugging Lana I got woken up by the morning sounds of the day, so I didn't get to talk further with her in the dream about how she was feeling. 

    

     As I lay in bed, I reflected on the dream and especially where it left off... trying be able to understand fully the emotions involved and unspoken words and if there was anything to be learned or understood for waking life. I felt like it was important to take both the beginning message and the last scene into account. There was a request for normalcy, there was a longing for genuineness, there was thirst to be known fully, and there was protection and also intrusion. There was a need for gentle understanding, for asking to be allowed in, and for support of emotions with comfort and reassurance. 

     

     I pondered on what a delicate dance life must be like for some one who is in Lana's position... she is a person who is known by many, but only deeply and safely known by some comparatively speaking. A life where secrets must be kept; not out of desire, but out of necessity. She has a journey that includes many eyes with many voices all butting in where they aren't invited... and for what? Curiosity? A lack of their own sense of self? Longing to be known and loved themselves? It is a curious position we humans put ourselves in; we have our own lives yet can become obsessed with others and think of their lives as our own. We can escape into alternate realities and be convinced it is the place we belong. 

     

     I hope that for Lana she feels joy today. That the people she wants to share with she does so, and it feels safe... that although the healthy balance of protection and uncovering at times possibly includes a thick fortress, she feels freedom... because freedom is found in safety. And joy can be found in all sorts of places, even those that are hard and stressful. I hope for the world that they can be loved in a way that is true and good and full of understanding grace as well as healthy boundaries and moments of filling up, so that each person can live fully and allow others do so as well. 

     

     May I take my own advice as well, and live in a way that is honoring to others and welcomes them in as well as making sure I am taking care of myself in good and healthy ways as to not drain life from those around me. May I ask when I am in need and give generously as I am filled to over-flowing. 

Be blessed Lana and all people of the world! Today is your day! Today has great opportunity for growth, learning, love and being loved. Soak it up!

A New Day | A New Year | A New Decade

As the clock has just struck midnight, today is my last day as a woman in her twenties. This birthday is hitting me pretty hard...30... it just seems big, unknown, old... haha! I don't really know what I want to say, I just felt like I needed to write, needed to mark this day, this new season in life with some sort of expression.

I want this next decade to be full of new experiences, and coming into a more confident and settled sense of self. I want more freedom! I want more joy! I want more Jesus! I want to step out more in boldness and love of others. I want to pray more. I want to step more deeply into the Word... it is calling me. I want to write more, sing more, dance more, eat more vegetables, take more walks, travel and explore, sit and stretch and cleanse. I want it all... and I want to do it all with Christ.

As I have spent a lot of this last decade in a state of hibernation leaning towards stagnation in the weariness of waiting, I think it is finally time to let in the fullness of what God has for me. I came to shore for a bit and built a little sand tunnel, but now I will run with reckless abandon towards the crashing waves of the Kingdom of Heaven.

I have been released to dive in. I've been guaranteed back up in the form of wisdom and friendship and angels. I have the tools and now it is time to go. The Lord is beckoning and I am ready to answer. I am ready to jump in the boat... or out of it... I'm just ready.

I am grateful. I am hopeful. I am a bit unquiet in the anticipation of what is to come. I am willing. I am like a soda bottle who has been slightly shaken and can't wait to explode it's sweet fizzy bubbles all over the place while also feeling like the face of the victim of said soda shaking... squinting, standing back a bit wondering if I should just not open up the can, but sure that even with the mess the adventure of the unknown will be well worth it.

I am prayerful. I am counting on the healing power of Jesus... His strength, wisdom, grace, love, presence, angels, Word, comfort, truth, and example are the foundation of making these next years count.

Next Steps

I am excited to reveal to you what’s next for me in my adventures. As time has gone on, I have realized even more fully my love and compassion for children, families, and those who are without a voice, are marginalized and in seemingly hopeless situations. These passions have now led me to action. The dream I am working and praying will come true, took shape after several conversations with one of my very best friends.

The conversations went from very practical ways of loving people, to very magical thoughts of becoming fairies, flying about blessing people and doing good in the world. *giggle* The one thing we really landed on solidly, that I am now planning for and walking toward, is opening a home for children in need and becoming a foster parent.

In the next three years, I will be doing everything I can to make this dream a reality. So far, the vision is simply this; have a home and a support system of family, friends and partners in crime, take in foster children, and hopefully bring hope into broken and hurting families. I hope to be a redeeming contributor in the foster care system, while being a part of the healing of children, families and single parents. The initiative will start small with one child at a time, but may possibly expand, taking in more children, doing specialized care for those who have HIV/AIDS, or terminal illnesses. I am also considering in the further future to take in young teens that are pregnant until their baby is born.

I could probably write many more pages about the inspirations and how I got to this point, but you now at least have a glimpse into my future goals. I would love to discuss further with you how I will be working towards this, inspirations, places I need prayer, and ways you can partner with me if you are interested.

In my immediate future I have secured a job for the summer that will provide me with a steady income. I am going to be a nanny again (more on that later-- I start June 8th). My #1 goal for this next year in preparation for Foster Care, is to eliminate all of my debts, and I am well on my way!

I am also in conversation with a local organization that assists single mothers, to become their primary childcare giver, offering a sort of nanny/daycare service in their homes as well as some life/parenting coaching. Just think Super Nanny with twist, and I think you’ll have the idea. J
Once again, if you would like to hear more, I would love to meet with you or talk with you via phone or e-mail, about where I’m headed. The most important, and urgent thing I am asking for at this time, is prayer. Please pray that I am listening with an open heart and obedience to what I hear God whispering (and sometimes yelling) to my soul. If you have any suggestions, experience, or thoughts related to my current pursuits, please feel free to share them with me!


Love You All!!!

Some girls who are currently in the foster care system that I am praying for. The little one was exposed to Meth in utero and the other two have some social and emotional difficulties. I am praying that they a good family will take in these little ones.

UPDATE ON LIFE!!

Hello friends and family! Here is a letter I sent out to my supporters. If you didn't get one, either I don't have your address or I made a mistake. Take a few minutes to read through it and check out what I've been up to!!

Me, at a place called Pohickory-- one of the few true wooded places around here

Dear Family, Friends, and Supporters,


The time has come! On May 27th I will graduate from the 1 year internship program at Willow Creek Community Church. As most of you know, I have been working with the Axis ministry. Axis serves 18-30 year olds, in the Greater Chicago Area. It has been a privilege and a joy to be a part of this ministry. I have learned much about myself and church ministry. I will take with me, the lessons I learned well into the rest of my life. I have also discovered a new path and direction for my life in these months, which I will share with you later.
First, I would like to tell you about some of the great things I was able to experience in this season. Below I will highlight the most significant milestones and opportunities.


1. Team Management and Creative Planning- As assistant to the director of Axis, I had the opportunity to think on, and strategize, bringing my thoughts and ideas forward, related to managing a team with our youthfulness, inexperience, and ministry focus. I was invited into decision making processes and asked for feedback and support. I was also invited into creative and ministry planning meetings throughout the time of my internship. Being able to take part in these experiences, has given me a good look into what it takes to run and manage a team as well as what it takes to run a ministry of this size within a large church.


2. Small Group and mentoring- In these past months I have met once a month with a group of 5 other women, as well as met with three different mentors. I had the privilege of meeting with each of my mentors once every three weeks. I have been so blessed by these relationships. I have grown in my love for them, and for Jesus. I have explored further into my life story and been healed emotionally through the adventures I’ve been on with these women and men (one of my mentors is a man).

My small group (one of my mentors is sitting right in the middle)

3. St. Mary’s of the Lake Retreat Center- In November, our Axis staff team went on a spiritual retreat at a Catholic Seminary campus in Mundelein, IL. We spent most of the day in silence, and enjoyed times together in worship and prayer. We also shared meals together and in the evening went on a nice walk outside in the chill of that fall night. The rooms we stayed in were very simple, with just beds, a dresser, desk, lamp and on the walls there was one piece of scripture and one crucifix. Although it may sound slightly dull, it was a great place for me to escape to and spend time with God, outside the hustle and bustle of the suburbs.

4. Sharing part of my story at a worship night- Every month, all of our communities (called Missional Community Hubs- now numbering well above 20), gather together for a time of fellowship, teaching, celebration, and worship. Each month there are two nights of worship called the Axis Experience; one in the burbs and one in the city, each with up to 175 or more community members.
In the month of March, our Missional Community Hubs discussed the topic of sexuality with each week focusing on a variety of categories within that topic—basically moving towards the idea of how God intended our bodies to be shared intimately, and to embrace our sexual nature and move toward a Kingdom model in our lives, giving this area over to Christ.
I was able to share in front of my community, the struggles and triumphs of my journey in regards to sexuality. God has done much work in this area of my life as tragedy, and bad habits afflicted me at a very young age. I was able to be a part of something bigger than myself and openly convey my sin, as well as God’s blessing, provision, love and protection in my life. That night is one to remember and cherish forever. If you would like to hear my story, please let me know and I can get you a copy.

5. My niche in the world of Ministry- As time has gone on in these past few months, I have learned so much, and one of the most important lessons has been developing, and is now pretty concrete in my heart and mind. I have learned that my best fit is not within the walls of a large church (or maybe any church), but rather out with people, specifically children and families. The past five months in particular, I have been developing a dream with the help of a very dear friend, my small group, some advisors, and of course Jesus. Now it is time for me to walk towards this dream and I am elated! (I know you are waiting with baited breath to know… it will soon be revealed!)

To conclude this letter, I would like to thank all of you for all that you have done to support me through these last 9 months. Without all of you, I would not have been able to be a part of this program and learn so many valuable life lessons and have so many great experiences. Thank you for investing in my life with your prayer, thoughts, love, and financial support.
I would like to give a special shout-out to all of my support from GUMC. Thank you so much for holding me up in prayer, supporting me financially, and for the prayer quilt. I sleep with it and it helps me remember God’s love, faithfulness and provision. It has been great knowing you were all rooting me on from afar.
To everyone else, I thank you so much for sacrificing in these hard times with your time and money. I have been provided for so well in these past months, never having to worry because of your faithful and steady support. This experience has been one that is priceless and very treasured. Thank you and God Bless You!

Most Sincerely,



Liz Porter

XOXO

All of the interns and our staff. In the middle is Tyler, our 3yr intern graduate

Picture time!

Jon and Kelly-- good friends and Jon happens to be my boss

Our new space for Cafe 20-- we meet there every Sunday after church!

Me and my fellow one-year interns

Hey Everybody-- if you'd like to see some more new pics go to:

www. dropshots.comporte1er

WOO!!!

Update Letter!!

Dear Family and Friends,

Hello! It feels like it’s been so long, yet the time has flown by! I haven’t seen many of you since mid summer! I hope all is well in your families, and you are enjoying the fall weather. Here in Illinois the leaves are still green for the most part, but will start to change soon. I am trying resisting the cold, and savoring every bit of sunshine I can! This letter is quite long, longer than they will usually be, but there is so much to tell and I wanted to convey the details so that across the distance, you can feel connected to what I am doing here.
I am happy to report that so far my internship experience, although challenging, is going very well. Some of you may know that because of a lack of funding, I made a decision to take part in the one-year program (actually only 9 months) instead of the three year program. This decision is not only about 11,000 dollars cheaper, but it also allows me to have a part-time job to make ends meet. Choosing the one year program also means that I will not be doing the seminary program that I originally planned on (hence the 11 Grand price difference). As soon as I decided on the one-year program, I felt much peace although, I did morn a little over not getting to experience grad school. This is always something I can pursue at a later time however, and so all hope is not lost.
I am enjoying my time in the internship immensely. Everyday brings a new challenge, a new opportunity to learn, growth, and a chance to work for the Lord. I couldn't ask for more! The spiritual and emotional development parts of my internship include the following: a small group of 6 women (two of them leaders) that meets weekly, theology mini-classes twice a month, spiritual formation practices and disciplines, and one-on-one attention from nearly every week from a set of 3 mentors. I am learning so much about myself and how my story affects what I believe about God, and how I lead in the church.
On the ministry side of things, everything has gone really well! We started off the ministry season with a retreat up to Wisconsin to plan our theme and logistics for the year as well as do some team bonding. We were blessed to have a beautiful place to stay and a boat for recreation all for free! It was a great few days and much was accomplished.
Upon starting my position on the Axis team I was given the opportunity to serve as Axis Director, Jon Peacock’s Administrative Assistant and Office Manager. I accepted the offer with a big YES and felt very honored to even be considered. I am very close to Jon and his wife, Kelly and so it is a joy to serve him each day. This position is important to our growing ministry right now as there was no one filling it before I came and in the last two years we have grown from 20 people to over 300 with an Axis group launching in the city this month which will add at least a couple hundred more into the mix.
This is an exciting time for our ministry. We just launched our 10 Missional Community Hubs (MCH) this month with great success. We also got a new space in the church to meet for Café 20 which is beautiful and will allow for growth. Like I mentioned earlier the Axis Chicago group is launching this month with 5 MCH’s. Along with Axis Chicago, there will be an Axis Dupage launching very soon as well! Our leaders all gathered on September 6th for a great day of learning and gaining clarity around our strategy and the heart and mission for this coming year. We were expecting about 40 people to show up and twice that many came to join us! God is blessing us each day with many leaders and much growth.
Along with the leaders and the growth, more importantly, people’s lives are being transformed. We are hearing stories from each MCH of their members growing and becoming more devoted to living a life that is Christ Centered. Young people are serving the local community and have already made a Kingdom impact on some single mothers and their Children through Fellowship Housing. We are all coming together as a community to help build an orphanage in Prague. We launched our efforts this past week by raising money and will be sending at least two teams overseas in the nest year. This past Sunday we celebrated with 10 brothers and sisters in their confirmation of faith and baptism. God is good, and continues to show is love and mercy to His children. It is an honor to work for him, and I am brought so much joy each day when I wake in the morning and as I lay my head down at night.
On a financial note, everything so far is going well. I am moving in with a host family to cut costs due to a low budget. I’m very excited about moving in with them November 1st. Without them offering this to me, I would not be able to do the internship. For the most part, the people who have pledged to support me have been faithfully sending their donations and I have been receiving them with much love. I still am in need of more support, and so if you think of any ways to help with this, or know people who might be interested, please pass my name on to them. Thank you so much to those of you who are giving financially. I know these are hard times, and so I am extra grateful for the sacrifices you are making for be to be able to reach this broken generation.
Thank you SO MUCH to those of you who have been keeping me in your prayers. I can feel them! God is taking care of me, and teaching me so much in this time I am so lucky. If you could continue to keep me in your prayers I would greatly appreciate it. I think the thing that is most needed right now is prayer for my finances along with my spiritual and ministry growth and development. I want to be open to hearing God’s voice and learning whatever I can from scripture as well as my work in ministry.
I will end this letter on that note, a thought of prayer. I am praying for all of you and you come to my mind often. Please let me know how I can best pray for you too. Thank you for walking along side me in this adventure. I look forward to what God has for all of us from now until May. Look for my next letter at the beginning of November. I promise I’ll try to make it shorter! Thanks for hanging in there through all those words! Much love and blessing to you!!

Where God is Moving

In my life right now, I feel that I am in a time of change, of preparation, of transition, growth, and challenge. God is teaching me so much about who I am and how He loves, and how I should love and act in response to His plans and promises for me.

I just got off the phone with one of my dearest friends. She has seen me in some of my best and worst moments. We walked through the life stages of teenage girl to young woman together. I trust her with my deepest secrets and ugliest mistakes. I value her opinion and insight of my heart more than most anyone. At times she knows me better than I do.


Tonight, we were talking about this whole transition that I am going through. In short, I am on a journey to a healthier life; physically, emotionally, mentally, sexually, and spiritually. In the midst of all this change there is confusion. There are times I want to give up because my goals are never reached. I push my self to a level of crazy that no one should ever reach and then I give up because my expectations are too high. One of the most meaningful things she said in our conversation was pertaining to the idea that God has all of these good things he made for me; a huge stock pile of good and all I have to do is dive in and take what I like-- and all I have to do to take, is to give up the things-- things like setting unrealistic expectations and taking measures to reach a goal that isn't healthy. These things amongst others, are ugly and full of slavery even though they at times feel like freedom.


She gave me this illustration from a book called 8 cousins:
There was a little girl who lived with her father. Her father was very strict and stern and made her do a lot of things that are high expectations for a child. She had to sit still a lot, sew and read and do lessons much more than other children. Her father died and she was sent to live with her uncle and aunt. When she arrived there, she found that life was very different. One of the first being that she had 8 boy cousins-- you can probably imagine her shock. Secondly, things there were happy, good and loving and the girl was really sad and didn't know how to fit in here in her new life. Her uncle gave her a gift. He brought her a big box of colorful silks from China that she could sew and create with. The girl was so excited about them and wanted to use them right away. Her uncle told her that he would give her this gift as long as she not wear all black anymore, and she may/must play and act as a child, free from the slavery of trying to act as an adult. The girl had a sea of possibilities right in front of her that would give her joy as long as she turned from the things that she knew--- the things that were destroying her spirit.


My friend said to me, "I have this vision of you going through this box of silks that God has already prepared for you, and you are trying everything on". Also, that I would try everything on in freedom and look back and see the slavery I came from.


What a beautiful way to end a day. I really feel this is what God has for me. He has a store house full of the health and beauty that is already mine, but to see it I must walk away from the darkness of the world and into the freedom of letting God move in me and change me, to heal and restore me.


God is so good.



PS. Dear friend, if I forgot anything or quoted you wrong let me know. There is so much more I took away from our conversation, but this is one thing that stuck in my mind so strongly. Thank you for being my friend and for loving me.

My 23rd Year

Well folks, my 23rd year of life is nearing it's end. In 6 days I will be 24. Craziness I tell you! If you would have asked me a few years ago where I would be at 24, my guess would have been quite different from reality. At 24 my mother was pregnant with me; which makes my longing for children and a family even stronger. I never would have thought that I would be living in a suburb of Chicago!

I am looking forward to a good year. Everything here is going really well and I am learning so much everyday. I am a part of a good community that is really doing excited things for God.

As this year of my life progresses I am praying that it will be one of growth and change. I want this year to be a year I make drastic changes in my life and strive towards passions and goals. I want this year to be a year to remember. Year 24-- here I come!

It's Been a While

It's been a while since I've written, about a month I guess. I'm still here, and I will write more soon. For now I am going to enjoy my bed!!

It's Been a While

It's been a while since I've written, about a month I guess. I'm still here, and I will write more soon. For now I am going to enjoy my bed!!

HEY! WHO TOOK MY RANCH PACKET????

Ok, so today I went to the store to buy a ranch packet and some beef to make ranch burgers. They are so delicious, and I love them. my trip seemed sucessful until I got home, got out all the ingredients, turned on the stove, and got ready to mix in the ranch. It was missing!! I checked everywhere! I even went back out to my car to make sure it hadn't fallen out of one of my bags.
I am pretty sure that the man in front of me at Jewel stole it. At Jewel they have a U-Scan that has a conveyor belt on it, the man in front of me was still bagging up a couple of items when I started to scan mine. I looked over to make sure he wasn't messin' with my goods. He looked a little suspicious, but I was sure he saw me eyeing him. I guess he really liked ranch.
I was very sad to have to make my burgers ranchless, but they were still pretty good. I ate them with mustard instead. I love mustard.

This evening I am watching some television and going to bed early. This week I am going to the dentist again for the 6th time in 2 months. I think this time I will be just getting a cleaning!
Other than that, my week will just be business as usual.

Hope everyone is good!!

Friends

I am missing all of you, friends. I could list your names, but I fear that I would leave some one out on accident.



I love you and if you are not with me I miss you. Tonight I shed tears for you, and I can't wait until I see you again.



I hope you are well, and happy, and dancing about like fancy little fairies!

Dreams

Something interesting and intriuging for me to ponder over in the past few days is this: I had a dream with scripture in it. Although I am not entirely sure yet what it all means, I do believe it means something. I think that God speaks to us or can, through our dreams.
The scripture is HOSEA 2 :20. This is the first time I have had a dream were when I woke up I knew I needed to look something up. The interesting thing is that underneath that scripture reference it said, The Lord's Word is Truth. In my dream I was supposed to speak on that topic with the scripture being my support. When I woke up to read it I found that it did indeed relate to me in a way I hadn't even realized I needed relating.

For those of you who don't know, Hosea was a prophet who was told by God to marry a promiscuous woman named Gomer. The book of Hosea is thought to be an allegory too about God's feelings about Israel at the time. The land had gone through a lot of kings all in a short period of time and most of the transitions involved a lot of bloodshed.
In Chapter 2 (I'd recommend reading it for yourself too in case I screw something up), God is talking about how horrible this woman Gomer is and how Hosea should basically throw her out. In the end though it is the change in Gomer (who symbolized Israel) that God wanted not her riddance. So, this brings me to 2:20 which follows a lot of descriptions of the place God will take in Gomer's life over the bad life she had before. "I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the LORD. " Based on where I am and the dream, there are parts of this chapter including this verse that I think are related to both me personally and the family I work for. Everything before verse 20 I tend to think more of something related to me and verse 20-23 I think of my family.
If you find the time, give it a little read and pray for me. Pray for my clarity in gleaning what God would have me glean out of this passage, verse, and/or Book. Without dwelling on this scripture for two long I feel like God is telling me two basic things: He will fill me, and fulfill what I am longing for, AND Something about the fate of my family and how important it is that I am here. I also talked to Sarah about it who God had used this scripture to speak and heal her some a few years ago. She encouraged me to read the book, Redeeming Love, and so I think I will do that too.

Sipping Tea and Thinking

I am definitely thinking right now, but I am not sipping tea. I wish I were sipping on a chai tea latte (the only form that I enjoy) and sitting outside, but alas I am not.

Tonight I am going to a party at John and Kelly's. They are the hosts of the "Palatine table" I attend (basically a house group or cell group). The party is called BOO '07! I think I am going to make my face to say Boo with my mouth being the first O. My costume is... dah dah dah dah!!!! A Party in a Person!! This was inspired by dear Victoria, Sarah's youngest. She is two years old and is most definitely a party in a person. I am going to put streamers all over my body, wear a curly present ribbon in my hair, and put glitter all over!! It's going to be pretty sweet. Plus, there is an added bonus to my costume. I am also a Fairy!! I will be wearing wings. There's just nothing like being multifaceted on Halloween! At the party tonight we are playing DDR, which should be extra entertaining in our costumes!!

Things here have been going pretty smoothly. I am looking into a few options for living (place that is) right now, and one sounds particularly awesome. It's an opportunity for investment and building good credit. I am still very much in the beginning stages of research, but I will keep you all updated. I am pretty excited about it so far.

The kids are good. Samuel just turned 7 last Friday! It's crazy! A whole year has passed since I met him. When I met him he was just about to turn 6, so actually I've known him for three ages of his life! :) Leah has a little cold right now, but it doing well. She is very into testing to see how far she can push me, which isn't very much fun, but is definitely teaching me a lot.