Day Dreaming

Today I am longing. I decided to journal about it instead of letting the thoughts swim around in my head. This way I can make better judgement if the things I am thinking are complete crap or worth day dreaming about!

I am longing for an empty space in regards to a home. It's almost like I want to get rid of all the things I have so I can start all over. But I also want a house so that when I put everything back together, it feels more permanent and worth my time. I want art work to hang, colors on my walls, themes in rooms, organization in the kitchen, a yard, a real home. I want a home that's mine for a long time instead of just a few months, a home that I can invite people to, and feed and entertain. I want a stove with more than one working burner. I love my apartment, but I long for something more established.

Something else I am longing for is a life-long companion of the male persuasion. I want to share my bed with more than my pillows and books. I want to share it with a man who loves me and I love back. I want to make romantic memories and have grand adventures that may only be grand to he and I. I long for a man that knows me so well that I don't need to say anything and he knows what I am thinking... or at least knows I am thinking SOMETHING! :) I hunger for love in the way I was designed to love- the way that I dream about loving but never get the chance.

I want to make babies!!! Not just to have sex, although that sounds good too. I really just can't wait for the gift and privilege of raising my own children. I want to know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside me. I want to experience the connection that only a mother has with her child. I want to share bringing little ones into this world with the man I made them with; the man of my dreams.


Basically what it all comes down to is that I long to settle down and start the rest of my life. This in-between thing is really hard. I want everything in God's timing though, and God's way. I trust that God is preparing me husband for me and me for him. I know that the waiting is a worth-while challenge in the process or preparation. I know that my Jesus has good plans for me-plans to prosper and not to harm me; plans for hope and a future.
Today is a dreaming day-dreaming about what is to come- what could be and perhaps a little of what will be. I'm ok with my longing and dreaming. If I weren't longing for something, I'd have no hope or ambition and life without those things would be worthless.